Squashing Mum Food Guilt - rediscovering confidence with fussy eaters!
Mum food guilt is a shocker! It affects almost all of us to varying degrees. These tiny humans make us feel so guilty when they reject the healthy nutritious foods that we cook for them.. and it often makes us worry that they aren’t getting what they need to thrive!
We try so hard to source best recipes for fussy eaters and then cook the nutritious foods… but despite all our time and effort, we are hit with a “that’s disgusting!”
I promise you, you are not alone on this! So, why is mum food guilt such an issue in today’s world?
Well firstly it’s because we care! - we want our littles ones to be nourished and thrive. We want them to eat the healthy meals that we give them, but so often they don’t!!
Second we compare. We see what others are doing.. on social media, or when we catch up with friends… and we compare. We compare what our child is eating.. and often we set unrealistically high standards for ourselves and our children. We scroll through Instagram, seeing those immaculate lunchboxes and perfect family dinners, and it’s hard not to feel inadequate. Even as a paediatric dietitian, when my daughter was young, I still felt inadequate when I compared her intake to what was ideal.
But here’s the thing – I’m pretty sure you are doing an incredible job as a parent. In fact, we are all “enough”… Sure you’re child isn’t eating all the colours of the rainbow… and perhaps their only protein is chicken nuggets or sausages, but that doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent - it means that your child hasn’t learned to like the more nutritious foods yet.
It’s time to shift our perspective and try to reduce the comparison with others - as it only brings us down. Social media only amplifies these feelings, making us feel like failures!
So where do we start?
1.Focus on gratitude first:
Every family is unique and has it’s own set of challenges. We must first be grateful for everything we do have and everything that our children are, because focusing on that, feels good… and when we feel good, we are in a much more positive mindset… and good things happen, momentum will build.
2. Lower expectations:
When our expectations are too high and our children aren’t eating the way we expect them to, it creates a bucket load of tension, stress and worry. This can then manifest as pressure and bribes at mealtimes, which then negatively impacts on the family mealtime environment. It’s time to re-evaluate whether your expectations are too high.. Perhaps the focus needs to be more on creating a positive environment at home where your child can thrive, even if they prefer plain pasta over an elaborate meal.
3. Celebrate Small Wins:
Try to shift your focus to all the positives, the small wins, because at the end of the day they are big wins and create momentum! Celebrate the moments when your child sits at the table engaged in conversation, or takes that bite of broccoli, even if it’s spat out again! These small wins are worth remembering, because they are just the beginning!
As I discuss inside my Fussy Eater Program, there is a continuum of learning to like a new food… it’s kinda like a number line, that goes from left to right, with little jumps along the way. If you consider the far left being complete food refusal, and the far right being them loving the food… there are many “micro steps” that a child goes through to get from hating a food to loving a food.
These steps take time - sometimes months and years. They go from complete food refusal, to picking it up and looking at it, then perhaps sniffing it, then perhaps licking it and putting it down, then perhaps, taking a bite and spitting it out, then chewing it and spitting it out, then eventually swallowing it…. and then over time, enjoying the process! …but the thing is, them learning to eat these nutritious foods - TAKES TIME!!
Often we don’t recognise the microsteps as progress, but they are still progress… even if they aren’t at the stage of swallowing the food yet. We need to focus on the small wins, the microsteps… and stay positive!
4. Be kind to yourself:
Remember that you ARE doing well and you are enough! Cut yourself some slack!! As busy mums, every single day we are pulled in SO many different directions to wear so many hats! We need to pause to take a minute and celebrate the fact that you are their cook, their teacher, their nurse, their shoulder to cry on, their counselor, their laundromat, their cleaner and goodness knows what else! You should be celebrated DAILY for getting everyone fed and into bed in one piece!!!
5. Find like minded mums to support you:
Join a community of mums who understand the challenges you face. Share your experiences, seek advice, and provide support to one another. Together, we can overcome mum guilt and build each other up. This is exactly why I created the Nourishing Kids Membership! To find out more, click HERE.
So, if you’ve ever found yourself drowning in the sea of mum guilt, please know that you’re not alone in this, and I’m here to support you!
I invite you to listen to my latest podcast episode - The Easy Feed Episode 2 - The Mum Food Guilt”. (link https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/the-easy-feed/id1710594874?i=1000631530775) Together, we can reduce the unnecessary burden of mum guilt.
References: Australian Guide to Health Eating for Children - PDF
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