Five reasons you might be feeling stuck feeding your fussy eater, despite trying everything

Today I’m diving deep into some of the most common reasons why you might be feeling stuck when it comes to feeding your kids, even after trying every trick in the book. I have also recorded a podcast on this topic which you can listen to HERE

With over two decades of experience of helping parents of fussy eaters with I’m here to tell you you’re not alone. It can be damn hard to get those nutritious foods into fussy eaters.

Often we spend ages looking for quick easy food ideas, nutritious foods that are fussy eater approved – because we want to them to EAT the good stuff, but too often it gets pushed back in our face… and then in the in!! arghhhhh!!

So what do we do?? How do we pull ourselves out of that spiralling feeding circle of overwhelm?  

Here are 5 reasons, you may still feel stuck.

1. Unrealistic Expectations 

First up on our list is the sneaky culprit of unrealistic expectations. We all want our children to eat a rainbow of nutritious foods that includes fruits and vegetables, but setting the bar too high from the get-go can lead to disappointment and stress.

In our quest for perfect parenting—which is often fuelled by the images we  see on social media—we sometimes create a mental checklist that even the most enthusiastic little eater would struggle to meet.

When we aim too high, every mealtime feels like a failure if our child doesn't meet these expectations. We need to be mindful of setting the bar too high, and remember that they have spent a lot less time on this earth than we have and often need more time to build familiarity and trust in food.

So what do we do? 

We often need to lower our expectations. Remember that there is a continuum of learning to like a food that starts with complete food refusal, and ends with them liking the food. There are many “micro steps” that a child goes through when they move along that continuum.  Often they could be moving along it, but it still doesn’t seem like progress because they are not eating the veggie yet.. but it is still progress!!

So start with small, achievable goals. If your child tries a single bite of a new veggie, consider it a win!  Celebrate small victories: Every new food tried, and every plate that's not entirely rejected is a cause for celebration.

Kids meals are often simple and they like them deconstructed, and that’s OK. Quick easy meals are often well accepted… and that’s a win for everyone!

Try as much as possible to avoid comparison. Whilst it’s hard not to, comparing what your child eats with others,  will only lead to unnecessary stress.

 2. Developmental Stages and Fussy Eating 

A toddler is prime age for fussy eating. Toddlers naturally go through a picky phase as they learn to assert their independence, so it’s entirely normal to see a sudden drop in the variety of foods and healthy meals that they will accept.

This developmental stage can make even the calmest parents question their approach to feeding.

What to do?  

Firstly we need to understand that often it’s a phase: Accepting that fussy eating is a part of your child’s development can take off some of the pressure.

It is important to stay consistent with your approach and set up a positive feeding environment. This is something that I teach inside my Fussy Eater Program – The 3 week Feeding Kids Reset. I also provide heaps of nutritious recipes and food ideas for fussy eaters.

Maintaining a positive and consistent approach to mealtimes will help any fussy eater. It’s important to continue to offer a variety of nutritious foods, even if they’re rejected. Building familiarity and trust over time will make a big difference.

Creating a fun, engaging atmosphere will also help.  Involve your child in preparing meals, making it a fun activity rather than a chore. Turn mealtime into a game or story to keep their interest piqued.

3. Inconsistent Feeding Routines 

Kids thrive on routine. An inconsistent feeding schedule can throw their hunger signals out of whack and make meal times more challenging. Children function best when they know what to expect, and having a regular meal and snack time can help regulate their appetite and mood.

Try to establish a regular feeding routine as much as possible. Although life can get busy, if you set specific times for meals and snacks, and try to stick to them, the kids will benefit.

Consistency with the mealtime environment is also important – eating in the same place, with others is valuable.  Consistent rules surrounding meal times, can make a big difference, therefore it’s important that all parents and caregivers have the same approach with respect to how you talk about food, where you eat, bribes or pressure around eating.

Meal planning and prep can save time and reduce stress. Having a few go-to quick easy meals that you know your kids like can make evenings easier.

4. Parental Anxiety and Lack of Confidence 

Feeding children especially fussy eaters, can be a source of tremendous anxiety for parents. We worry about their nutrition, their health, and whether they’re eating enough. This anxiety can spill over into mealtimes and create a stressful environment for your child.

How to Manage:

Stay calm and composed: Your child will pick up on your stress, so maintaining a calm mindset and approach can help create a more relaxed atmosphere for eating.

Kids are sponges, they pick up on everything!!  If you are stressed or anxious, they will be more on edge, and much less likely to try anything new.

Knowledge is power. Understanding their nutritional needs and when they are met, can take the pressure off mealtimes.. and ironically, it means they actually eat better!! Parents who work with me often feel very reassured knowing that their child is still meeting their nutritional requirements despite being fussy at dinner.

If you are super worried about your child’s eating, get help. Mums who join me inside “Nourishing Kids” lose their food stress and feel reassured about their child’s nutrition. Getting professional support can often be invaluable.. and sometimes just knowing you're not alone can alleviate a lot of stress.

 5. Lack of Involvement and Presence

 OK so the 5th reason you may still be feeling stuck feeding your fussy eater despite trying all the best recipes, nutritious meals, fussy eater approved dinners and more is…… a lack of involvement and presence around food.

Kids are more likely to try and enjoy new foods when they are involved in the process. Lack of involvement can make mealtimes more of a battle. They need to see you enjoying a variety of foods and be a part of the process, from shopping to cooking.

How to Manage:

Firstly be the role model.  Show them how much you enjoy a variety of foods. Your enthusiasm can be contagious, and will influence their love of food subconsciously more than you know.

Involve them in meal prep: Let your kids join you in the kitchen. Even simple tasks like washing vegetables or stirring a pot can make a big difference.

Eat together – wherever possible, make mealtimes a family affair. Sitting down together and sharing a meal can create a positive, relaxed environment where kids feel more inclined to try new things.

 OK, so I have a few bonus tips for you! – to encourage better eating habits with fussy eaters.

Firstly Make Food Fun

 It could be the way you have presented it. Simply cutting vegetables into fun shapes, or arrange food in a way that makes it visually appealing could make all the diference.

Trying a new fun utensil – such as a toy fork (think fork with a plastic truck on the end of it!).. or using colourful plates and utensils can make the healthy meals more exciting for young children.

 You may even wish to turn cooking into a game where they are the chef adding "magic ingredients" to their dishes.

 Second bonus tip is to be persistent yet patient

Introduce New Foods Slowly.  Don’t overwhelm your child with a plate full of unfamiliar items. Introduce one new food at a time alongside familiar favorites.

Research shows that kids may need to be exposed to a new food up to 15 times before they decide to eat it. Don’t give up after just a few tries.

Sensory Play - before your child eats something new, let them touch, smell, and even play with it. Familiarity through sensory play can reduce food aversions.

Third bonus tip - Maintain a Positive Mealtime Environment

Avoid Pressure.  Never force your child to eat, even if they are the most picky eater you know! Encourage tasting, but don't make it a battleground.

 Stay Positive and keep the conversation light and positive around the dinner table. Focus on enjoying the time together rather than what’s being eaten.

 Final Thoughts

 Remember, feeding kids—especially fussy eaters—can feel like an endless cycle of trial and error. However, by setting realistic expectations, understanding their developmental stages, maintaining a consistent routine, managing your anxiety, and getting them involved, you can significantly reduce mealtime stress.

No parent should strive for the perfect dinner plate – that’s rubbish and not real life!! What matters is creating a positive, pressure-free environment where your child feels safe to explore and enjoy different foods at their own pace. It’s all about progress, not perfection.

For more tips and personalized support, consider joining me inside my membership Nourishing Kids, where you can access exclusive resources and connect with other parents facing the same challenges. Let’s make mealtimes fun, stress-free, and nourishing together!

Wishing you all happy mealtimes!

Karina

Paediatric Dietitian Sydney I Paediatric Dietitian Brisbane I Paediatric Dietitian Melbourne I Paediatric Dietitian Adelaide I Paediatric Dietitian Perth I