Episode 2: Mum Food Guilt: Embracing the imperfect

Episode 2: Mum Food Guilt: Embracing the imperfect

I'm thrilled to welcome you back to The Easy Feed podcast. In today's episode, I dive deep into a topic near and dear to every mum's heart: "Mum Food Guilt." That sneaky feeling that creeps up on us when we least expect it, making us question if we're doing enough for our kids' health.

Join me as I explore the ins and outs of this universal experience and share my thoughts on why mum food guilt is worse than ever!

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Links
https://nourishwithkarina.com/feedingbabies
https://nourishwithkarina.com/3-week-feeding-kids-reset

Highlights:

Karina Savageshares secrets for busy moms. (00:00.494)
Mum Guilt and Mumshame: A Daily Issue for Parents (00:41.742)
The Importance of a Healthy Lunchbox for Kids (03:06.446)
Parenting Expectations and Social Media Influence (05:29.07)
Motherhood and Success (07:43.502)
Understanding Food Guilt and Its Impact on Parenting (10:09.038)
Understanding Food Eating and Parenting (12:27.822)
Mother's Food Guilt and Its Impact on Child Nutrition (14:48.014)
Parenting Eating Habits and Self-Comparation (17:08.27)
Parenting Challenges and Solutions (19:29.262)
Focusing on Positives at Dinner Time (21:49.934)

Show notes

READ TRANSCRIPT

Show Notes

Join me as I explore the ins and outs of this universal experience and share my thoughts on why mum food guilt is worse than ever!

In this episode, we'll discuss:

How social media is worsening “mum food guilt” by reinforcing unrealistic standards and expectations.

The comparison trap: Why we often feel inadequate when we see other parents seemingly excelling in aspects we might struggle with.

Changing perspectives: Exploring the importance of reframing our expectations and understanding that perfection isn't a requirement for being a great parent.

Dealing with mum food guilt: Practical tips and strategies to cope with these feelings and prevent them from taking over our lives.

If you're a parent who's ever felt the weight of mum food guilt, this episode is for you. Join the conversation, share your thoughts, and let's support each other in navigating the complex world of parenting. Remember, you're not alone and doing a fantastic job!

Don't forget to hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode. Now, lets squash mum food guilt - start listening now!

Gets your child eating more nutritious foods and enjoying them! Join the waitlist today : https://nourishwithkarina.com/membership

Karina Savageshares secrets for busy moms. (00:00.494)
You're listening to the Easy Feed Podcast, episode number two. I'm Karina Savage. And with over 20 years experience in feeding kids, including my own, I've learned all the secrets that busy moms need to get their kids eating better and improve their nutrition while spending less time in the kitchen. This podcast will show you exactly how to take the stress and worry out of feeding your children so that the load is lifted off your shoulders.
and you feel happy and confident knowing your kids are healthy. This is the Easy Feed Podcast.
Mum Guilt and Mumshame: A Daily Issue for Parents (00:41.742)
is Karina Savage and I am so happy that you're here. Today I'm going to be talking about something that is very close to my heart because as a mum, I don't think any of us can escape it. It's something that I think if we are more aware of, we can better manage the effect that it has on us daily. And that's mum guilt because mum guilt, I believe is a daily occurrence for all of us and
hits us without even realising. It just creeps up on us when we are least expecting it, when we're doing mindless tasks like, for example, I was washing the dishes. Well, actually I was washing the overflow that wouldn't fit in the dishwasher. I was washing the dishes last night and I was standing there worrying that I hadn't spent enough time with my daughter who was preparing her speech section for her debate.
school the next day. So I was feeling guilty, but because perhaps I should have spent more time with her preparing it. And then, you know, does that mean that if she's not going to do as well, but then she won't get picked to move through to the next stage and you know, the guilt, the guilt was there without me even realizing it. So, and I just think how many times does that happen each day when you're feeling guilty for something or you're linking your self -worth as a parent to something that's happened to your children without
you even realising it. So Mumguilt and Mumshame, I think have probably been around since the dawn of time. I think it's something that's always been there, but I think it's something that's probably worse now than ever. And I think that that's because we have so much out there now to compare ourselves to and, you know, to change our perspective on things without meaning to.
We judge our behaviours and who we are by comparing ourselves to who we think we should be or how we think we should be behaving as mums. Let me give you a little example. We see a perfect little lunchbox on Instagram. So you're scrolling through at night time, you're on the couch and you up pop something and you see that is this great
The Importance of a Healthy Lunchbox for Kids (03:06.446)
healthy lunchbox for kids and it's got all the, so, and by that I mean it's got all that you've got the food in it, it's got the protein, it's got the plant foods, it's colourful, and it's got everything that your child needs. And I think without even realising it, if I was to look at that, I'd be like, wow, A, that must have taken a lot of time, B, I don't have that much time, C, my kids' lunchbox doesn't look like that, or not all the time, probably not very often, and D, does that mean my child's not getting it? So like...
You know, that one picture can cause this cascade of conscious or subconscious thoughts around what our children eat, whether they're getting enough, and then that can link back to our ability as a mom to provide them with good food. So all of these sort of thoughts and comparisons can come from one little picture on Instagram. Now I'm not saying that you are like that, but I'm saying that that would be
I think a very normal reaction consciously and subconsciously for a mum that saw the perfect lunchbox on Instagram. Because I think without realising, I reckon many of us would feel bad when we see someone providing their kids with the perfect lunchbox or the perfect dinner. It just makes us feel inadequate. And I don't think that's fair. I don't think we should feel inadequate just because.
We're not showing up with the perfect lunchbox every day or the perfect dinner or that our children aren't eating the perfect dinner. So I think it's just important that we are aware of the influence of everything around us. And this isn't just a picture on Instagram. This is what people are saying. So many people in say to me that, you know, so many months, thousands of months that I've seen over the years have said to me how they feel inadequate when, you know, it's been at a mother's group when...
You always hear about the mums that kids are doing well, right? The kids that are sleeping through the night or the kids that are eating well. So many mums feel inadequate when they hear other mums who rave about how much food their little one's eating or who started solids first or, you know, it's always the one that's doing really well that you hear about. And so when you hear those stories, it makes you feel more inadequate as a mum.
Parenting Expectations and Social Media Influence (05:29.07)
I believe. And I think that's unfair because I don't think that we should try to be perfect with everything. And I'm not saying we are, but I just think it makes us feel crappy and I don't think that's fair. It's not that your child is not getting, you know, what it needs. I think every child is different. So the bottom line is I think we expect a lot from ourselves. And I think that often means that we have further to fall when we don't live up to our expectations.
to those expectations or not even that we put them on ourselves. I think because they're there, they sort of just become the norm. And I don't think that's fair. And I don't think that's normal either. It's almost like it's a false normal that's on social media, but like you could say that about a whole lot of things on social media, right? People that go on holidays that have a really crappy holiday, but they've got this really happy family picture and that's what they put on Instagram. So everyone thinks they've had a great time in, I don't know.
Brazil or America or Hawaii. And then they get back and you actually bump into them in the street and they go, my God, we fought the whole time. But no one would know that because on Instagram, it looked amazing and they looked happy. So I think, you know, you could say about a lot of things, but certainly I think in the food world, it makes us as parents feel a lot more inadequate when we see, you know, the perfect lunch.
for the perfect dinners or I don't know, mums just killing it and doing really well can make us feel inadequate. So, yeah, a hundred years ago, you could only compare yourself or probably even 50 years ago. I mean, look, social media hasn't even been around 50 years. You could compare yourself to where you could compare. You could only compare yourself to other mums, you know, who are living in your local community or, you know, your friends. However, nowadays,
Social media and the online world means that we are exposed to everyone everywhere. And we're exposed to thousands of mummy bloggers and tiktokers that portray the perfect versions of what we think we should possibly be. Or maybe we don't even think we should be that bad. We're sort of almost brainwashed with that, right? So then reinforces social norms and expectations of what we should potentially live up to. Even if we don't agree with it, I reckon it's there in our subconscious. And I think -
Motherhood and Success (07:43.502)
could be really dangerous for our own confidence and our own mental health. Yes, mum guilt is certainly there and, and it's always been around, but the problem is the standards I think are just so much higher now. And a lot of these times, a lot of the time these standards, I think, completely unattainable, given that we are also trying to hold it together at home. And many of us are also trying to have a career. So when you're at work, often there are
outcome goals that you are striving for, like, you know, a project that's got to be finished. Or if you're a teacher, you know, it's a classroom lesson that's completed or, you know, there's specific goals with specific outcomes. But when you're at home with your children, what defines success? You know, is it that everyone's lived another day? Or, you know, what is it? What defines our own success? So I think it's, it can be easy without realising.
for us to let other factors define what is success for us, if that makes sense. So, you know, we trying to achieve what's not necessarily what we think we should be achieving, but it's kind of been put into our head because it's what we think the social norm is because it's what is everywhere. So for example, you know, is success for your family, the fact that
Your child sat at the table for five minutes engaged in a three sentence conversation with you. Is that success? If it is amazing, that's a win, right? And we should celebrate that. Or is success for you that everyone, you know, went to bed by eight o 'clock and they went to bed without needing you to sit there in their room for half an hour. That actually would be successful for me as well, much of my, one of my children's lives. I won't name and shame, but you know, success is.
different for every family. And I think we just need to be really mindful of how we define success for our family and also bring that back to food too. What is success for your child or for you with food? So don't feel like you have to cook the three course beautiful meal that I certainly not know one school mum does. And I'm like, I cannot do that. And that is not what I'm going to try to strive for. Because if I put that as my goal, then I will fail every night.
Understanding Food Guilt and Its Impact on Parenting (10:09.038)
So we have to be really careful about where we consciously or subconsciously sort of place, you know, benchmarks because we don't want to set ourselves up for failure because then we're going to feel like more of a failure and we don't need that. As marbles, we are like the glue that sticks everything together. So often we are the help desk, we are the nurse, we are everything. And we just need to remind ourselves that we are doing really well. And just to get any food on the plate, you're doing well. So try to cut yourself some slack.
is what I'm trying to say. So in my job over the past 21 years, I have seen so much food guilt out there, so much. And, and I've had literally mums crying on the phone in my rooms because they feel so guilty that they've completely stuffed up their child. They wish they could start again. They wish they could do it differently because they truly feel like they have failed their child and they feel like it's irreversible failure.
And they come to me wanting to try to undo some of the bad that they've done. And literally they're the words that they use. And, and it can be so destroying from, to feel like you have completely failed your child. As I said, we want to nurture our young, we want them to thrive. And if you feel like you failed your child, that has a massive ripple effect, effect in your whole life. Like, you know, you can reduce your confidence, it can reduce.
your desire to want to go out, socialise and eat with other people, especially if you've got your child there that's not going to eat well. So it can really have a huge ripple effect. It can certainly play into your relationships with your husband, the vibe in the family, certainly the vibe at the dinner table. So it can really play into all of that. So it's really important to be mindful of the food guilt and stories that you're telling yourself because...
And the stories that you're actually telling other people too, because if you're talking to other people about your child, you know, what they are or aren't eating or, you know, saying that they're a fussy eater and your little four year old can hear that, then they're also going to take on that story and that label. And they're going to play into that at the dinner table without them realizing or you realizing. So we don't want to create stories for our children either, because they're probably just learning to like the food. And that's a much better way of talking about it than saying they're a fussy eater.
Understanding Food Eating and Parenting (12:27.822)
learning to like a food is going, it's a much positive way of viewing things. And it means that they are on this continuum, this learning and eating continuum where they will eventually eat the food. It's not that they're a fussy eater, that's like a final sort of they're not going to eat it again. They may, but it's, well, they usually will. But if you talk about it as a continuum, they're learning to like food. Can you see how that's a very different way of thinking about it? And just have a different...
It has a much more positive connotation on, on eating. So I've sort of gone off track there, but I just wanted to mention that because I think it's really important how we talk about food around our children and to others. But certainly as the guilt that you feel has a huge ripple effect. So what are some of the common food guilt that I hear?
and see when I work with moms. So first of all, there is the guilt around the chicken nuggets. So, so many I see just love chicken nuggets. They live on chicken nuggets. And there's a lot of guilt that moms feel around their child eating another chicken nugget and not eating the quality, healthy meat that's going to be higher in, you know, iron and zinc. And often parents are really worried about their child's intake of iron.
because they, you know, they may have dark circles under their eyes or they may not, they just may be worried that their child's not getting enough on because all they eat is chicken, not eating, not eating quality meat. So that's, that's definitely a guilt that they're just eating nuggets and chips. And then they're worried about their nutrition there. Or there's the guilt and, and annoyance around child just wants to eat white bread. You know, at some times it's because maybe a brother or sister or parent, dad only eats white bread.
Sorry dads, shouldn't blame the dads, it's not dad's fault, but yeah, certainly the white bread frustrations there and moms can feel guilty about that. Or the plain pasta guilt. So all they want to eat is plain pasta because that's, you know, they won't eat it with sauce or you may get cheese on them on there, but the plain pasta guilt. And that can also play into whether you want to go out or not. Because again, if all your child eats when you go out is plain pasta, some moms feel bad about that or judged by that.
Mother's Food Guilt and Its Impact on Child Nutrition (14:48.014)
Or they may compare what their child eats to others. And then that's a whole other conversation. I'll talk about that in a little bit. But certainly the guilt around the white foods is very real. Another guilt is around being so busy that you're just grabbing yet another fast food or convenience dinner. So mums feel guilty about that. And I've got plenty on my sleeve with quick and easy, you know, things that you just pull out of the pantry to chuck on the plate.
That doesn't mean you got to swing past McDonald's, but there's certainly guilt around that. There's guilt around the white diet that children eat. There's guilt when children get sick, that their child's not getting the nutrition that they need, that mum's not feeding them properly, so they're getting sick. And it certainly doesn't help when you've got other people sort of echoing those types of messages to poor mum, because we have enough on our plate. We don't need anyone else making us feel any guiltier about how we feed our children. So.
There are just some of the common mum food guilts that I see, but trust me, there are many more. You may even have your own mum guilts that I haven't mentioned. And I think it's just important to be aware of them and cut yourself some slack and, and just be compassionate and kind to yourself and say, you know, it's okay that I've got these mum guilts because it's completely normal to have these food guilts or whatever guilt you've got. And it's only because you can, because you love your child. So.
Mumbu is real, but don't let it change how you feed your child, but don't let it stop you from going out, eating with friends, socializing, and don't let how your child eats change the way that you talk about food to other people as well, because that's then going to create a story in your child's mind and then it has its own ripple effect there.
So it's completely normal to feel worried or dare, I say, feel guilty when your child doesn't have you want them to eat. There is absolutely no rule book when you have a baby about how to feed them. I mean, there's plenty of self -help books out there or, you know, how to feed your baby or, well, actually there's not that many, but, but there are books out there, but it doesn't necessarily mean that it's all going to work for you, for your baby or for your child.
Parenting Eating Habits and Self-Comparation (17:08.27)
And I think you just really need to cut yourself some slack and go, this is a journey and there is no, you know, clear cut answer that's a one, you know, fit for all children. And every child's different. I even have mums say to me that they did the same thing for their daughter and their son, and they are very different eaters. So similar genetics and obviously one's a boy and one's a girl, same parents, same family meals.
very different eaters. And so you've got to cut yourself some slack and go, yeah, well, a lot of it has to do with actual child. But my job is to say, right, well, that's where you're at. But how do we get you from where you're at to expanding their intake and where you're at to, you know, reducing your food stress and where you're at to spending less time in the kitchen and just having those quick and easy recipes and whatnot. So, so that's my job for you.
Okay, I'll start to wrap things up now, but I just wanted to leave with a little sort of task for you because comparing yourself to others is only going to weigh you down. It's only going to weigh heavy. And when you compare yourself to others, that, you know, that little voice in your head that's saying, you know, they're doing this better than you would. They've accomplished that. Why haven't you done that? That only makes you feel more rubbish about yourself. And you do not need.
anything that's going to make you more rubbish in your day or your week or your life, because then that impacts on your confidence, that impacts on your interactions with your children or friends or work, it gets you down, it sort of lowers your vibrational frequency, you feel yuck, it's not nice. So try and be mindful of when you are comparing, you know, your friend's son who eats amazingly to your own son who may not eat as...
Amazingly, so for example, you're at dinner and your friend's son, Zach, eats all his spaghetti bolognese and you know, your son just eats the plain pasta. So try not to compare too much or make yourself feel rubbish about the fact that your son only ate the plain pasta or the other one ate the pasta and the meat and the veggies. Because it doesn't necessarily, doesn't mean that you're a poor parent or a worse parent or a less capable parent. It just means that your son is not at the point where.
Parenting Challenges and Solutions (19:29.262)
He wants to eat veggies with his pasta. Yeah, it's as simple as that. So try to look at it more objectively. If you've got, you know, your friend's child that eats an amazing lunch or eats an amazing, you know, wheat bix or chia pudding or whatever, and your kid's at, you know, a white toast with margarine, then, you know, show yourself some compassion, cut yourself some slack and go, right, this is where we're at in our family. And we can certainly move to a healthier option. And that's again, my role to help you do that.
But try and view it as, okay, this is where we're at. And the only way is up, but try not to bring yourself down or have that little voice in your head going, you're not good enough, you're a bad mom. Because you can certainly improve your child's nutrition. You just need to know how, you just need to be positive. And there's certainly plenty we can do. We just need to make one small change at a time. Try not to do it all at once because it's not going to happen. You know, it's trying to do too much at once will only make it too hard.
And then nothing's going to change. So one small change at a time means that you are going to have long lasting improvement and long lasting success. So once you have achieved one little thing, you put it in your pocket and then you move on to the next thing. So trying to change everything becomes too hard and you end up back where you started. And then you start comparing again.
And you know where that gets you into that negative Nancy Dale spin. So we don't want to be comparing. We don't want that little voice going, you're not good enough because you are good enough. Of course you're good enough. Your kids just need you to be new. They need your time and they just need you to be positive and have fun and just show up the best you can. But you know, sometimes if that's just some scrambled eggs and baked beans or a bit of chopped up cucumber and a bit of, you know, toast, that's fine.
It's about just doing what you can. As I said, as moms, you are the glue that sticks everything together and you are enough. Anything is possible with the right mindset. So we just need to try to as much as possible be mindful of the mom guilt, but show yourself a lot of compassion because being mindful of it is the first step to reducing it. And that's only going to do great things for your mood, your confidence and your energy levels.
Focusing on Positives at Dinner Time (21:49.934)
But if you're feeling a bit frustrated at dinner time and sometimes, you know, you are coercing or pressuring your child to eat that mouthful of vegetable, then perhaps try to focus more on the positives. So, and again, this might seem silly to you, but seriously try it on. If you focus on the fact they are eating the plain pasta, in the pasta, they are getting protein, they are getting carbohydrates, they might even get a bit of iron. You know,

focusing on the positives that they are getting that pasta and anything else that they eat, try and focus on the positives and focus on the fact that they're sitting with you. You've got that five minutes or that 10 minutes or that 15 minutes if you're lucky to chat to them about the day to converse with your child that you love. So just try and focus on quality family meal times together and be appreciative of what they are eating because that's

mindset and that approach will absolutely lead to them trying more foods in the future. And look, there's plenty of other things that go into a happy meal time where they're going to stretch their intake. That's, you know, where I can help you a lot more. And that's what is all of my nourishing kids membership, there's everything to do with all of that. And obviously this podcast is designed to help you move to a much happier place with that feeding your children and nourishing your kids as well. But certainly.

showing up to the table in a very different way, being more grateful and appreciative and, and trying not to stress and worry as much is going to mean that you have absolutely monumental shifts in how your child eats. And this is all planting seeds that will grow over the weeks and months and years, but it will absolutely be a game changer for you. If you really are serious about making some positive

changes to your mindset, approach and the vibe at the dinner table. So I'm going to leave that with you. Thank you so much for listening. It's been a pleasure. If you like what you hear, please make sure you subscribe to this podcast. And once you listen to a few and you've really received some great value, please leave me a review so that it helps get the podcast out to more mums. Bye for now.