Episode 22: Why is my child a fussy eater?

Fussy eating affects almost 50% of families with young kids… so it’s an issue many of us can’t escape.

Having said that, it’s something that can be improved dramatically with the right strategies. The thing is, you can create an effective action plan until you understand why your child is fussy in the first place.

As a mum and pediatric dietitian, in this podcast episode, I share my insights on better understanding why kids are fussy.

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Links
https://nourishwithkarina.com/feedingbabies
https://nourishwithkarina.com/3-week-feeding-kids-reset

Highlights:

Introduction (00:00)
Understanding Child Frustration (00:28.91)
Pediatric Dietician's Perspective on Parenting Fuzzy Eating (02:42.798)
Parenting Approaches to Frustration (04:56.558)
Understanding the Root Causes of Child's Eating Disorders (07:17.038)
Understanding the Root Causes of Frustration in Children (09:36.686)
Understanding the Root Causes of Fussy Eating (11:56.014)
Understanding Children's Food Journey (14:21.006)
Understanding Children's Food Eating Habits (16:43.79)
Understanding Child's Eating Habits and Developmental Stages (18:53.998)
Understanding Child Frustration and Its Causes (21:15.054)
Understanding Children's Frustration (23:35.214)

Show notes

READ TRANSCRIPT

Show Notes

Fussy eating affects almost 50% of families with young kids… so it’s an issue many of us can’t escape.

As a mum and pediatric dietitian, in this podcast episode, I share my insights on better understanding why kids are fussy.

Here are five key points we'll discuss:

1. Understanding the underlying causes of fussy eating.

2. How developmental milestones influence children's eating habits.

3. The role of sensory preferences in food refusal.

4. Recognising other factors like tiredness and feeding environment.

5. Why a one-size-fits-all approach doesn't work and the importance of tailored solutions.

If you're tired of mealtime battles and want to learn effective strategies to nourish your child, this episode is for you. I'll also share success stories from parents who've used my methods and seen remarkable changes in their children's eating habits.

Ready to take the next step in tackling fussy eating?

Learn more about my membership program, head over to: https://nourishwithkarina.com/membership

Introduction (00:00.078)
You're listening to the Easy Feed Podcast, episode number 22, Why Kids Are Fussy. Hi there, I'm Karina Savage and with over 20 years experience feeding children, including my own, I've learnt all the secrets that busy mums need to get their children eating better and actually enjoying healthy foods. So a huge welcome to the Easy Feed Podcast.

Understanding Child Frustration (00:28.91)
Welcome back. I hope you're really well. Today I wanted to talk about that million dollar question that so many of us parents ask ourselves. Sometimes in the middle of the night when we lay awake worrying about our children and whether they're getting enough nutrition. That million dollar question, why is my child fussy? So as parents, we are taught what our children should be eating. So we know that our children should be eating

All the five food groups, we know that our children should be eating all the colours of the rainbow. We see these messages. So we're taught what our children should be eating, but we're not necessarily taught how to get them to eat all the five food groups or how to eat all the colours of the rainbow. And I think this is the issue. We know what our children should be eating, but we can't actually make them eat it. And that's the trouble that so many of us parents face. And

I'm certainly no different. I faced this issue myself when my child, my children were young and especially when my daughter was super fussy and I'll talk about that in a little bit more detail later. But that's why I want to talk today about why kids are fussy because if we can understand why they're fussy, then we can better put a plan in place to actually get them to eat better.

because learning how to get them to eat better is really, I think, the key. But we can't work out a plan for how until we understand why. So that's what I'm going to share a little about with you today. And I'm sure that many of you will relate to this episode because fussy eating is so super common, but it doesn't mean that we have to live with it.

forever or do nothing about it, right? So yes, I speak from firsthand experience because if you haven't heard me talk about my daughter before, I'll give you a little insight now because I was deep in the trenches of fussy eating too when she was a toddler. She was very fussy. She was skinny and she was also low in iron and I worried about her.

Pediatric Dietician's Perspective on Parenting Fuzzy Eating (02:42.798)
Here I was a pediatric dietician who theoretically in my mind should know better quote unquote. The thing is the stuff that you learn at university, the textbook stuff where you can learn all this stuff and you can hear all this stuff. But you know, when you're a parent and when you have that skinny little fussy eater in front of you, it doesn't necessarily mean that you can get them to eat what you want them to eat.

There's a lot of stuff that you hear out there, you know, in social media and it's the textbook stuff. Just keep putting it on their plate. They'll eventually get there, right? Well, my daughter is 11 and whilst she is now a very good eater, there are still foods that she won't eat and there is a reason for that. I didn't know it back then, but I do now. You see, back then I was so frustrated because my daughter was so fussy and I felt so bad about it.

It wasn't supposed to be that way. I felt like a failure. What was I doing wrong? And, and I think so many parents feel that way. They think what are they doing wrong as parents? And I want you to know that it's not your fault. It's very normal. Children naturally fussy. It's part of their normal developmental, you know, progress and stages, but you know, it doesn't mean that we, we don't put things in place to help.

both of you, you as parents and them as fuzzy eaters. Back when my daughter was a toddler and fussy, I really had to come up with a new way of doing things because otherwise she was just going to get fussy and fussier. And I knew that that meant that she was just going to become more iron deficient and, you know, lower in nutrition. And then I didn't want that either.

So if I didn't change anything, then she wasn't going to necessarily change because nothing changes if nothing changes, right? She was just going to keep getting plussier. So I had to come up with a new plan that meant that she would eat better and, and that it was in a way that I felt comfortable as a parent, parenting her because there's all different approaches to parenting. And, you know, if, if you take a look at sleep and trying to get your little one to sleep.

Parenting Approaches to Frustration (04:56.558)
When she was a baby, there's some parents or some guides to say, you know, just let them cry it out. And I couldn't do that as a mom. I wasn't one of those moms that could just, you know, sit there and watch the clock and go, you know, it's at the 55 minute mark and they'll eventually stop crying. And then they do after, you know, an hour and a half. And then the next night it's only an hour. And then the next night it's, you know, 45 minutes. I'm not one of those moms that could do that, but some parents can. I'm the one that was in there.

Hopping out of bed, getting her back to sleep as quick as I could because I couldn't handle the crying. But yeah, so look, every, there's plenty of different parenting approaches and there's going to be different things that work for different parents. And it's all about what works for you and your family. But I certainly know that fussy eating has such a negative ripple effect throughout the whole family.

It's a good thing to try to get on top of because it's something that can really improve so quickly if you put the right strategies in place. And it has to be a plan that you feel comfortable with, just like with the sleep training. Some people feel comfortable with that. Some people don't. Some people feel comfortable with, you know, sending their kid to bed hungry. I think most people don't. So there's

different approaches and you have to come up with a parenting approach that you feel comfortable with. And that's why I've come up with my own method of parenting and feeding my children that works, I must say, and that is evidence -based, but it's not brutal where you're sending them to bed hungry, but then you're not cooking three different dinners either, because the approach has to work for your family. You know, I used to really struggle to understand why some kids would just eat super well.

whilst others drove their parents nuts and to, you know, destruction at meal times where they're bribing them with everything. Look, I've even had one dad say to me, we bribe our kids with 50 bucks to try and get them to eat some broccoli. And that blew me away, but it just highlights how desperate parents are to get their children to try new foods and how, you know, the lengths that they will go to to

Understanding the Root Causes of Child's Eating Disorders (07:17.038)
nourish their children because look, at the end of the day, it all comes back to a love for your child and you know, you want them to be healthy and nourished. And so you throw everything you've got at them to try to get them to eat better, but it doesn't necessarily work. And that's, I guess, where we find ourselves completely stuck because we want our children to eat healthy. We know that they should eat healthy, but nothing's working. And I think the reason why so many parents feel stuck

is we haven't gotten to the bottom of why the child's bussy in the first place. And that makes all the difference. It's a bit like a car that's broken down. It was only the other day, literally the other day that my car was towed to the, you know, car service center. And we didn't know, like, so we had the guy out, like we had the NRA guys out to look at the car, to try to work out.

what was wrong and I was hoping that they would be able to fix it then and there so I didn't have to get towed. Anyway, they couldn't work it out so my car got towed to the service center and it was only when they established the cause of the car not starting that they could then fix it. So if they had just, you know, popped some new oil in or changed some driving belts or whatever, you know, I'm not that car savvy, but I know enough to

You know, give you those two. But if they'd just tried that approach in the hope that the car would start, it's not necessarily going to get the car to start, right? So you actually have to understand the underlying root cause of the problem before being able to have a plan that's actually going to fix the problem and work. And feeding kids is no different. If you don't know...

the underlying root cause or problem that is contributing or causing the fussy eating or the reason they're not trying the new foods that you want them to, or the reason they're not eating the way you want them to. If you can't understand that root cause, if you haven't worked it out, then you're not going to be able to fix the problem easily, or it's not going to work.

Understanding the Root Causes of Frustration in Children (09:36.686)
After working with thousands of parents over the past 20 years, I can confidently tell you that what works for one family won't always work for another. And the reason is because your child's bussy eating is not necessarily caused by the same thing that their child's bussy eating is caused by. So food refusal occurs for many, many reasons. And it's not just one approach fixes all because

It's very varied according to the individual situation. So for example, if your child's underlying root cause of their fussy eating is their developmental stage, and perhaps they're teething badly, and that's actually at that point in time, the root underlying cause of them not wanting to try the new food because it hurts, but you haven't identified and recognized that.

And you see on Instagram, all these quick fixes for fussy eating, download my free guide where you're cutting, you know, carrots into little stars or, you know, making funny faces out of food. That's not the right fix for your child's underlying cause of fussy eating. So their underlying cause is the teething in the developmental stage, but cutting, you know, food into pretty shapes and funny face, making funny faces out of them. It's not going to be the right fix.

the your child's underlying cause. So that's just an example where it might be a good fix for another child's underlying cause, but not necessarily your child's underlying cause. So there's so many underlying causes of fussy eating, which is what I go through in detail in my flagship fussy eating program, the three week beating kids reset. And it's understanding why that then enables you to create a plan, which we also talk about, because then you can then put

plan in place that will work. It will get your child trying new foods because it's addressing that underlying issue. And by the way, the underlying issue for my car the other day was the starter engine. There was an electrical issue with the starter motor, I should say, and it wouldn't start. So, you know, they would, well, they could have, as I said, changed the oil filter or changed some drive belts, but it wasn't going to work because it was a starter issue there. So it's really understanding that underlying issue first.

Understanding the Root Causes of Fussy Eating (11:56.014)
At this point, you may be thinking, yep, I have an idea about the underlying cause of my child's fussy eating. Or you may be thinking, my goodness, I have no idea what the underlying cause of my child's fussy eating is. I don't know where to start. And that's okay. I'm here, right? I'm here to help. So let me say a few things first. Number one, all is not lost. Fussy eating can be reversed and you have not harmed your child. There is always...

Room for improvement and all is not lost. Number two, we can make up for lost time for sure. Don't stress. We will get there. Number three, I'm pretty confident that you're a great mom and you will get there with beating. The fact that you're even listening to this podcast means you care and you're investing time and learning how to improve your child's nutrition. So please know that you're a great mom and I've got your back. I promise you there is light at the end of the tunnel.

So many mums who have spent time with me and done my program will attest to that. So please know that there is light at the end of the tunnel if you are feeling really stressed about your child's nutrition. So let's dive into some of the main underlying root causes of fussy eating. So first of all, I want to talk about experience with food and familiarity with food, because this is a big one. Children have had far less time on this earth than

us adults and they have not had the opportunity, the experiences to learn about food and develop that trust and liking for food that we have as adults. So when we go out to a restaurant and we are given, or when we go to a friend's place and we're given a food that we are slightly unsure about, we can kind of work out that it's safe and whether we're going to like it or not. Often.

because we draw on other experiences that we've had with food in the past where we can go, all right, well, I know that that's a vegetable because it looks like a vegetable. And I think I've seen it before and I've seen other people eat it. And I know that it's not going to kill me. I can trust the food and maybe I'll give it a try. You know, we can draw on other experiences in the past to form an opinion of a food that might be in front of us. Whereas children can't always do that because

Understanding Children's Food Journey (14:21.006)
They're so young, they haven't had as much experience with food. They haven't had the chance to develop that familiarity and trust and liking for a food. And so sometimes we expect them to accept a food when they just haven't had enough time with that food and enough touch points with that food. So we really need to understand that they are at a very different point of their food journey compared to us.

And we, based on our food journey and our experiences go, it's healthy broccoli, just eat the damn broccoli. And they're like, wow, you know, I'm not sure about this food. Number one, they may have not had enough experience, touch points, you know, exposure to that food. Number two, it's green. And from an evolutionary perspective, things that are bright green can be poisonous. So, you know, in the wild, you look at a green frog and it's poisonous. So.

We need to understand that there might be a lot going on consciously or subconsciously for your child when they've got a food in front of them that they don't know enough about. And so experience with food can really be a big underlying cause of fussy eating because they just haven't had enough time to learn to like that food. And they really need that opportunity. And this is why when we're introducing solids,

I always encourage parents to give a big variety of food to their child from, you know, the six to 12 months. Just keep offering it. And even if they've refused it 10 times, doesn't matter, just pop it on there. Eventually they will smush it between their fingers, smear it in their hair, and then eventually it will go into their mouth. And they eventually learn to like and trust food, but they need that opportunity to get messy and to learn about food with

all of their senses and that's really, really powerful. They also need to be able to do it in a very calm, pressure -free, safe environment because if they're not in that environment, then there's much less of a chance that they're ever going to learn to like a new food. So as parents, we do need to be considerate in our approach so that children can move along that continuum of learning to like a new food.

Understanding Children's Food Eating Habits (16:43.79)
And we can also be considerate of how we serve up that food. Being considerate is very different to catering. So I'm all about being considerate and considering how your child may like that food presented, but not necessarily cooking two or three different meals for the family. Another reason why children may be fussy is related to their developmental stage. These milestones we can't necessarily control, but

can definitely impact on the intake and how much and what foods they want to eat. So one of these aspects of the developmental stage that can impact it is their development of autonomy and decisiveness. So what this means is that as children move from that baby age into that toddler age, they realise that they can say no. They realise that they can push parents buttons, push back and

basically refuse things that perhaps previously they accepted. Often fussy eaters have these personality traits. They are smart, they are assertive, they are stubborn and very determined. So children that fall under this personality trait are, I think, more likely to be fussy because they want to have an opinion and they know that they can start saying no. And this is really hard for parents because

They've gone from having a baby that will eat everything to a baby that starts pushing things or a toddler, I should say, that starts pushing back and refusing to eat things. At this developmental stage, kids are testing the boundaries and we need to pick this a mile off and hit the pause button and stop ourselves from getting sucked into the fight and the power struggle around food or pressuring them to eat. Because if we start down this lapris slope, it will

end badly and that's possibly where some of you are at now. Instead, we need to put up some boundaries and structures in place that will actually be comforting to your child once we do this, but we as parents have to have the confidence to do this and then things will become a lot easier from there. What we don't want to do is start going down that road of, okay,

Understanding Child's Eating Habits and Developmental Stages (18:53.998)
You didn't like this meal. Well, I'll cook you this. And then I'll, you didn't like that. I'll cook you this. So we're ending up making, you know, plan B or plan C. We're cooking two or three different meals for the family every single night. And what's also risky about doing that is you're then reinforcing to your child that if they don't want the first food that you're giving them, then that's okay. They'll just get the second food or the third food. And that's really making a huge rod for your own back.

Now teething is another developmental stage which will influence how much and what your child wants to eat. It's important to recognise when teething is possibly influencing your child's perhaps appetite, what they want to eat, how they can eat, because you may need to change your expectations of the meal to support them through it. Perhaps they are wanting colder food, maybe harder food that puts pressure on their gums.

helps alleviate some of that pain. Maybe they don't want any soft mushy food. And if you're trying to still shove soft mushy feed into them, then that's not going to work. That doesn't align with what they're needing right now from a developmental stage and developmental perspective. So if they are teething and you're trying to give them soft mushy food and they're not taking it and you just recognise that as fussy eating and then, you know,

move down the whole pressure bribes, you know, path, that's then going to spiral down into fussy eating. We start labeling our child as a fussy eater. We then create a story for them, which sometimes then they pick up because then they hear us talking about them as a fussy eater to our, you know, mums in our mother's group or to our friends. And that whole path of fussy eating could be avoided if we've just recognized that they're teething.

And that's why they don't want to eat. So we just need to put a plan in place to be compassionate and considerate of the foods that they may like to choose while they're teething. And that would fix it. Right. So again, it's understanding why they may be fussy. Changes to growth is another one. The rate at which a child grows changes. They grow a lot in their first year and the rate of which they grow will slow down in the second year. And so if...

Understanding Child Frustration and Its Causes (21:15.054)
you are expecting them to grow at the same rate and eat at the same rate, then that can also set a higher expectation for the intake than they actually need. Maybe they don't need as much food because they're not growing as quickly. So it's really about making sure that what our expectation is matches where the child's at and what they're needing. Okay. Another reason why children may be fussy is sensory reasons. So as I said before, kids enjoy food with

All of their five senses, taste, smell, touch, sight and sound. And anyone can have sensory preferences. It's not just kids diagnosed with sensory sensitivities or autism or ADHD. Children can have aversions to all different aspects of food, the sight, the taste, smell. There's all different reasons why a child will refuse a food. And sometimes

If you haven't served that food up properly, it ruins the entire meal and that is so soul destroying. So we really need to recognise when sensory issues are playing a role. And again, I go through all of this in my Aussie eating program, because if sensory issues are a contributing factor, we can absolutely go ahead and put an action plan in place to manage that and help move them and progress them through.

given their sensory preferences. So we just need to understand why, so we can work out the how. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. There are many other reasons why kids are fussy. And we go through all of this in my program so that you can then put the right plan in place to fix the underlying cause. So aside from these three, there's other underlying reasons. We may have fuzziness because of tiredness.

Children may be tired. It could be a lack of feeding structure and routine. It may be that whole feeding environment that needs to be reworked. And this is a huge one that needs to be looked at. It could be parental influence. So how we're behaving, how we're showing up, how we're talking about food. Again, that's a big one. It could be nutrient deficiency that's impacting on why your child's fussy.

Understanding Children's Frustration (23:35.214)
Iron deficiency, zinc deficiency, they both negatively impact on appetite and food preferences. And then there's other medical issues such as reflux or constipation or medications that can impact on appetite. Also chewing and swallowing difficulties. Now this isn't as many kids, this is only a small group of kids, but definitely can play a role. And also past experiences will influence a child's food preferences and their willingness to try a new food.

So most parents that I've worked with have identified that usually there's at least one, if not many underlying causes for their child's fussy eating. So this is why most of the time that standard advice of just putting veggies on their plate and not making a fuss and eventually I'll eat it, that doesn't necessarily work. I mean, it works for some, but it doesn't necessarily work because there's many reasons why kids are fussy.

As I said before, it's like trying to fix your car that won't start by changing the oil filter when it's actually the starter motor that needs work. So we need a clear plan that addresses that underlying cause. It was actually beautiful last night to receive an email from one of my mums in my membership, Suzanne, who emailed me saying she just started the three week feeding kids reset and already there has been such positive changes that her kids are now running to the table at dinner time.

each night to do a pop quiz, because I've got pop quizzes inside the membership. And mealtimes are just so much happier and the kids are eating so much better already. So it was really pleasing to see within a week or two, her children completely changing the way they eat at the dinner table, just because she's set up a different feeding plan and an environment that is much more positive.

It's fixing the reasons why her children are fussy. So it's really pleasing to see that this does work once we understand why the children are fussy in the first place. So I hope that's been really helpful for you today to give you some insight and a little more understanding about why children are fussy and why it's important to get to the bottom of why they're fussy so that we can then create a plan to help them and make our lives a lot easier. If you're wanting to learn more about

how you can get to the bottom of why your child is fussy and then create a plan to fix it. Then head to my website, Nourish with Karina, forward slash membership. And you can learn more about my membership and inside my membership sits my flagship fussy eating program, the three week feeding kids reset. So that is inside my membership. So head to my website to find out more about.

how you can take the next step. Okay, that's it. Thank you so much for listening. I love hearing all the positive feedback from you guys about this podcast. It's very rewarding for me. And once you finish listening today, if you're not driving, then please just hit the star rating and leave me a quick review. I would truly appreciate it. Have a beautiful week. Bye for now.