Episode 89 : Why Mindset Is Crucial When Feeding Fussy Eaters

Episode 89 : Why Mindset Is Crucial When Feeding Fussy Eaters

In this episode of the Easy Feed Podcast, I’m talking about something that is so often overlooked when it comes to feeding fussy eaters: your mindset. As a Paediatric Dietitian and mum, I’ve seen time and time again how the way we think and feel about feeding shapes the entire mealtime experience for our children.

If you’re constantly worrying about your child’s eating, feeling anxious before meals, second-guessing yourself or feeling like you’ve failed because your child is a picky eater, this episode is for you. I share why confidence, boundaries and the energy we bring to the table matter just as much as the food itself.

Small shifts in mindset can completely change the atmosphere at mealtimes and support healthier eating habits long term.

Whether you’re raising a picky eater, navigating toddler food refusal or trying to improve your child’s nutrition without pressure or stress, this episode will help you rethink the way you approach feeding.

In this episode, we discuss:

Mindset Shapes Mealtimes
Why Feeding Feels So Emotional
The Feeding Ecosystem Explained
Reframing Food Refusal
Creating Calm, Positive Mealtimes

Links:
https://nourishwithkarina.com/feedingbabies
https://nourishwithkarina.com/membership

Highlights:

Introduction: Turning the Mirror on the Feeder - 00:00.98
Moving Past Parent Guilt and Failure - 02:17.85
The Power of Perspective: A Case Study - 04:42.08
The Comparison Trap and the Toddler Transition - 06:54.34
The Feeding Ecosystem and Breaking the Cycle of Despair - 09:13.12
The Framework: Child, Environment, and Parent - 11:36.48
Reframing Wins and Recognizing Intuitive Eaters - 14:00.18
Three Essential Mindset Shifts - 16:25.88
Conclusion: Becoming a Confident Role Model - 18:47.01

Show notes

READ TRANSCRIPT

Show Notes

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Introduction: Turning the Mirror on the Feeder - 00:00.98
You're listening to the Easy Feed Podcast, episode number 89. Why mindset is crucial when feeding fussy eaters. Hi there, I'm Karina Savage and with over 20 years experience feeding children, including my own, I've learnt all the secrets that busy mums need to get their children eating better and actually enjoying healthy foods. So a huge welcome to the Easy Feed Podcast.

Welcome back to you. I hope you're really well. I hope you had a special day on Sunday, which was Mother's Day in Australia. If you're listening in Australia, I hope that you had a lovely day with your family. Today, I am talking about mindset and confidence around feeding because in my wisdom over my 25 years of working as a pediatric dietician and 14 years now as a mom,

I've realized, and I've realized this, you know, a while back because I've actually included it's an integral part of the program that I teach mums who have Fussy Eaters. But mindset is such an important factor in feeding confidence and mindset around feeding, especially Fussy Eaters is so important and so often overlooked.

Often we look at the child and we go, oh my gosh, they're just such a fussy eater. It's all the child's fault. It's all to do with the child. But hang on a minute. How about we look at the feeder? How about we turn the mirror up to our faces and go, hang on a minute. We are the ones setting this all up. How are we contributing to this issue or this problem that we are labeling fussy eating? So I think it's really, really important to press pause and go, hang on a minute. How much of this is us?

Our mindset and our confidence. And I know for sure with mums that talk to me, they break down, whether it's on the phone, online, in my rooms, and they feel like complete failures. They tell me it's their fault. They tell me they've failed their child. They tell me that they stay up at night worrying about them. These are all things that mums regularly tell me. And I understand. I understand how they feel. Like I've felt like a failure too. I felt like I've stuffed things up too.

Moving Past Parent Guilt and Failure - 02:17.85
In my earlier years when my daughter was younger. And it's not a good feeling because you feel like you've only got one shot at this to raise this child to be, you know, the healthiest, happiest human being possible. And if you feel like you've failed them, you stuff them up. It's not a great feeling. And I just want you to know that there's always things we can do to make things better. You haven't stuffed them up alive. You haven't failed them. You've just done the best you can.

That's all we can do. That's all that anyone can ask of a parent is to do the best they can. And even if you don't feel like it's been the best thing you could have done, it's okay. You are enough. You can always make changes for the better, but it's important to start where you're at, draw the line in the sand and go, okay, we can make things better from here, but try not to dwell on what's happened in the past because your mindset around feeding shapes everything. It shapes what you offer.

It shapes how you offer it. It shapes the words you use, the energy or vibe at the table. It shapes whether you stay calm or whether the whole meal suddenly becomes tense and chaotic. Mindset really shapes how things will play out. I love this saying, whether you think you're wrong or you're right, you're right. Because whatever you think will play out and whatever you think about your child's feeding will play out.

And that might sound a bit harsh and you might not like me saying that, but I honestly believe when we change the way that we look at things, the things that we look at change. And I've seen this time and time again with the mums inside my community. My Feeding Kids Reset program, they've started to change the way they look at things. They change perspective. Only the other day, one of my members, Kelly was telling me, and she's only been in the program for about a month. So she's...

doing my feeding kids research is in my membership, which you get as part of that. And she said to me, hi, Corinna and other group members. wanted to share with you what I've unexpectedly found from doing this course. I've come to realize is that my son really isn't as bad or easier as I thought he was. A blessing really. But I've been so focused on what he doesn't eat and what he won't eat and feeling panicked that things might get worse, that I'd lost perspective and didn't realize

The Power of Perspective: A Case Study - 04:42.08
what he does eat. This has really helped me have a much more positive and relaxed attitude at the dinner table and about snacks and meals, something I know will help his eating. I think before any positivity or hope I had about his eating would be dashed immediately when I'd sit at the table and he wouldn't eat the food I'd centered my hopes around. It was such an up and down, he'll struggle for me. Each meal

And each day, the course has given me a huge change in perspective, wishing you all loads of patience and positivity on this parenting journey. And she set sheds this week in our private chat group because within a very short period of time, she'd changed her perspective. She'd changed her mindset and that made the world of difference to her. I think our mindset around feeding our kids, it starts.

Right at the beginning, starts when we're sitting in our mother's group with all our babies on our laps in a circle. When we first have a little, a little one, we get put into these mother's groups, which I have to say was one of the best friendship groups I've, I've ever had. Like it's just such a beautiful group, my mother's group of moms, and we are still really close 14 years later. So I'm very blessed in that respect. But, but back then, and I've heard this from so many other moms, you know, when you're in those groups, when you're in those environments of

fellow mums and your babies are all developing at different stages, I must say. You compare, you start comparing, your baby's crawling or your baby's sitting or your baby's eating solids and starting solids early. Sometimes it feels like a bit of a competition and naturally it's, really hard to not compare your child's progress or your journey with other families, other mums, other babies.

When really it's not probably the right thing to do, it's not great for us to compare because generally when we compare, we do it because we feel like someone's doing better than us and it brings us down, but it's human nature, right? But I think with feeding, it starts back then, like, how's your baby going with solids? Are they moving on to finger foods yet? How many times a day are they feeding? I remember one mum saying to me so proudly at six months that her baby was on three square meals a day at six months.

The Comparison Trap and the Toddler Transition - 06:54.34
That's not necessarily normal, but she was really proud of that. And I feel like it's a bit of a marker of how well your baby's going when they're established on sods really early. But it's not the case, let me say that, but I feel like it almost starts there in terms of feeding. And sometimes our babies eat really well. And then as they move into toddlerhood, they become absolute nightmares, pasta fiends. And that's about it. Maybe throw in some chicken nuggets. And that's when I find our confidence and our mindset around feeding really gets shattered and really gets tested.

And parents go, hang on a minute. What's changed? Like, what am I doing wrong now? They used to be eating all of these yummy foods and things were going so well. They used to eat broccoli and all the colors of the rainbow, which I've been told that they need to eat. And now they only want white foods. Like, what have I done wrong? Like, what's going on? And that's when I feel the wheels start to fall off and parents start to feel really guilty and start to blame themselves. Not everyone, but.

Often happens. Often the child becomes the target. They're so fussy and parents will talk to other parents about their child, often in earshot. They're so fussy. They won't eat this. They won't eat that. That can actually create a story in that own child's mind, which is a whole nother conversation. But one of the biggest parts of all of this is us. Your child's eating is not just about the food on the plate and the child.

It's about their whole feeding ecosystem and you are a big part of that as a parent. So this is not your fault, but you also need to be really mindful of the way that you show up to meals and the way that you create that meal time experience for the child. And I'm not saying you have to be a chef, but how you set up meal times and how you talk about food and who they eat with that all influences your child big time. And mindset will...

completely change all of that. So if mindset's really unhappy and negative, then the child could have a really negative, unhappy feeding experience. Whereas if mindset is in growth mode and really positive and happy and fun and lighthearted, meal times are very different. And that is honestly often the biggest difference between families whose kids eat well and families whose kids eat terribly. The energy, the vibe, the whole feeding environment.

The Feeding Ecosystem and Breaking the Cycle of Despair - 09:13.12
He's very different and mindset really influences that. You know, I used to turn up to the meal time with the mindset of, they're not going to eat it. You know, I'd basically already written off the meal that they weren't going to try it before I'd even sat down to eat with them. And that mindset was not helpful. That was not going to get my kids eating, you know, a piece of salmon or something new. But I'll be completely honest, that was my mindset. And because that was my mindset.

That's how it played out. what you think will be. So I challenge you to think about your mindset, feeding your kids and whether or not it's a positive mindset or not. And look, if it's positive, then amazing, great. That's fantastic. But if it's not, you could be part of the problem. And I know I was part of the problem, but it's really hard to get out of when you're in that, you know, cycle, that feeding cycle of despair. So your confidence is low.

You tend to second guess everything. You often write the meal off before it's even started. You wonder if you should offer the food again or you're too scared to, so you just give up after a couple of exposures. You're then thinking, well, should I hide the vegetables or do I put them in peace form on the plate? You see something on Instagram, you're like, okay, I'll do that. Then you see something else, you're like, okay, well I'll cut them into funny little shapes. And then, well, do I just give them more snacks instead or am I giving them too many snacks?

And then you're in this kind of state of being reactive to everything. And sometimes you just start chasing around the house with food. And then you get a comment from a grandparent or you're eating out with friends and you're so embarrassed because all your child will eat is a bowl of plain pasta and the rest of your friends' kids are eating, you know, salmon and avocado sushi or something like that. It's just so tricky sometimes. And I just want you to know that confidence and feeding mindset, they're all wrapped up together in...

It's not easy to change, but it is really important to have a look at that. If you do have a fussy eater and you do want them to change, because unless you change yourself, they're not necessarily going to change quickly. So don't just try and put the veggies on the plate and expect them to change the way they eat because that often won't work. And that's why, you know, when I recently surveyed almost a thousand people, about 80 % of them said they'd tried putting veggies on the plate, but it didn't work.

The Framework: Child, Environment, and Parent - 11:36.48
And this is the reason why, because there is a greater system going on here. It's a feeding ecosystem. That's why I've created this child's feeding ecosystem framework. It's my own unique framework. And it's the crux of my Bust-Eater program, because you need to factor in everything. You need to factor in the child, the environment and the parent. And that's where the mindset comes in. That's the mindset. That's the confidence. Because your mindset will impact how you respond.

When your child says, yeah, do you say to yourself, here we go again, will you just eat the damn broccoli or will you just eat the damn steak and how you respond? And it's not just your words, it's your vibe. It's your body language. Your body language speaks volumes even more than the words that come out of your mouth. Do you respond in a tense, stressed way? Or are you relaxed, a meal times happy and liked? What are the words that come out of your mouth? Often when I do online consults with parents,

We literally write down word for word what they will say in a certain situation. In fact, I've got 18 parent feeding scripts inside the feeding kids reset for this exact reason so that you know exactly what to say when you are up against certain situations with kids at meal times. Now being a confident feeder with a positive mindset doesn't mean that things are always going to go perfectly well. It doesn't mean that your child will suddenly eat everything. And it doesn't mean that.

You know, you don't care about their nutrition. It just means that you approach meal times or a feeder that has a very negative upset, anxious mindset. And look, it's really hard sometimes not to have that, especially if your child's also underweight, because that adds another layer of stress or I'm deficient and I've certainly experienced that myself too. So with my children, so it's something that, you know, it's sometimes really hard to try and find that confidence, but it means that you can hold a

boundary and when we respond in a really calm, confident way at meal times, it makes a big difference to the child and the messages that we send to that child at that meal time. Mindset is also about how we view the child's eating and whether we view licking and biting and spitting out as progress or not. Because some parents will view that as progress. Some parents will view that as another failed attempt to get their child to eat well.

Reframing Wins and Recognizing Intuitive Eaters - 14:00.18
So it's reframing what you're celebrating. So it's reframing what you see as wins. And we talk a lot about this inside my private group because it's so important that we are focusing on those wins to keep moving in the right direction. Because that does mean that children move in the right direction and everything is positive momentum, positive energy versus negative energy.

negative vibes, the kids pick up on all of that. They are sponges, they absorb it all and they are very intuitive. They pick up on all the energy, probably far more than parents do. They have their head, you know, thinking about work or thinking about, you know, something else that they've got to do or the to-do list that's a million, you know, lines long once the kids go to bed. So kids are present. They do absorb things, probably more than we realise. So our mindset and confidence will impact our

approach our body language, our behaviour, and that directly impacts the children. And whether they are curious calm eaters, whether they feel anxious, unable to even try a new food, whether they get pressured or bribed to try and eat new foods or to try and eat the foods that they previously did eat, but they're refusing at this meal. So here are some signs that if you are feeling anxious before meals, before you sit down with the kids or before you serve up the kids meals.

If you feel personally rejected when your child refuses the food. If you feel embarrassed eating with other families because your child doesn't eat as well as the other kids. If you feel like every meal is a challenge. If you're watching every bite that your child takes or you're hovering over them while they eat. If you feel like you need to convince them to eat or try to negotiate with them or even bribe them. If you feel guilty.

when your child just eats the plain beige or white food, or if you avoid offering new foods because you just can't face them rejecting it again, or if you just feel like feeding has become one of the most stressful parts of parenting, they're all signs that your feeding mindset might need a little support. You are not alone on this. Trust me. So many parents struggle with this. And I don't think we identify or understand how much of a role this plays in our child's eating. And this is why I have a

Three Essential Mindset Shifts - 16:25.88
key focus on it in my feeding kids reset is one of the three pillars because it's just such an integral part of feeding. So I want to leave you with three mindset shifts just to get you started. As I said, I've got plenty more waiting for you inside my feeding kids reset, but let's start with three. Number one, your child is not giving you a hard time. They are having a hard time. Okay. And so we need to just reframe how we are seeing our child.

when they are refusing a food. Number two, refusal is not failure. It's not a wasted effort. We can plant seeds in many ways and sometimes we're not recognising the small wins that are happening, even if they are not eating that food. Every time your child sees a food, smells a food, touches a food, helps prepare a food, even if they refuse to eat it, it could still be progress. It could still be one step closer.

to your child eating it. And number three, your job is to lead, not control. When we lead and try to set up a much more positive environment for our child, including our parenting approach, that's when things start moving in the right direction, not controlling. If you try to control your child and what they eat and, and there's pressure there, the children feel that and that's never going to be.

the way to successful meal times. So have a think about those. Have a think about how perhaps your mindset, your confidence could change to improve meal times, to improve perhaps how your child eats long-term. Perhaps have a think about the conversation at the table. As I said, I've got all those parent scripts for you if you want them. They're inside my Feeding Kids Reset. All you have to do is head to nourishwithkarina.com. That's K-A-R-I-N-A.

You'll find the link and you can learn more about my program there. Okay. I'll start to wrap it up in a sec, but I wanted to leave you with this. It is very normal and happens with many parents that we link, you know, our abilities as a parent and sometimes even our self-worth to how our children eat. But that is unfair because there are many factors which will influence how a child eats and it's not your failure, but there is a greater system working here and we need to make sure that

Conclusion: Becoming a Confident Role Model - 18:47.01
Your child's feeding ecosystem is working well. And when it is, your child will expand their intake. They will bring in new healthy foods. Mealtimes will become happier. You will know how to set clear boundaries. You will have confidence and a much more positive mindset and a better perspective, as Kelly said, with feeding. The first step is not another recipe or another hidden vegetable. It's just having a think about that greater system.

and your mindset, confidence and your approach. Because as parents, we are the role models for everything in our children's lives. And sometimes we need to just hold the mirror up to ourselves and go, okay, am I doing the right thing here? I know that I'm doing the best I can, but could I be doing things slightly differently that will help how my child eats in the future? So as I said before, if you want to know more about my program, head to NourishWithParina.com.

click on the program tab and all the information is there. Please email me hello at nourishwithkarina if you've got any questions and I look forward to chatting with you again soon. Have a great week. Bye for now.