Episode 32: Five Reasons You Might Be Feeling Stuck Feeding Your Children Despite Trying Everything

Episode 32: Five Reasons You Might Be Feeling Stuck Feeding Your Children Despite Trying Everything

I’m here to provide some insight as to why you may be feeling stuck in the “Feeding Circle of Despair!” Join me where we’ll explore "Five Reasons You Might Be Feeling Stuck despite trying everything!

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Links
https://nourishwithkarina.com/feedingbabies
https://nourishwithkarina.com/3-week-feeding-kids-reset

Highlights:

Introduction (00:00.00)
Sunlight and Mould in Sydney (00:39.022)
Parental Expectations and Children's Eating (02:56.782)
Parenting Challenges and Solutions (05:15.278)
Social Media and Body Image Impact on Parenting (07:35.374)
Understanding and Managing Child Frustration (09:55.246)
Consistency in Family Meal Planning and Routines (12:18.83)
Consistency in Parental Eating and Child Development (14:41.23)
Parental Confidence and Meal Time Management (17:01.902)
Parental Anxiety and Child Development (19:23.47)
Parental Anxiety and Effective Mealtime Management (21:38.606)
Building a Relationship with Healthy Foods (23:51.47)
Child's Food Involvement and Its Impact on Health (26:13.262)
Case Management and Parenting (28:32.046)

Show notes

READ TRANSCRIPT

Show Notes

In this episode, we’ll cover:

1. Unrealistic Expectations: How social media and comparison can lead to stress and frustration about your child's eating habits.

2. Developmental Stages: Understanding how your child's age and developmental phase can impact their eating behaviour.

3. Inconsistent Feeding Routines: The importance of maintaining consistent mealtimes and rules to support healthy eating habits.

4. Parental Anxiety: How your own stress and anxiety around feeding can negatively affect your child's relationship with food.

5. Lack of Involvement: Encouraging your child’s participation in food shopping, preparation, and mealtime to foster a positive attitude towards food.

If you're ready to explore further and discover practical solutions to improve mealtimes, you won't want to miss this episode!

Learn more about my membership program, head over to: https://nourishwithkarina.com/membership

Introduction (00:00.046)
You're listening to the Easy Feed Podcast, episode number 32. Five reasons you might be feeling stuck feeding your children despite trying everything. Hi there, I'm Carina Savage and with over 20 years experience feeding children, including my own, I've learnt all the secrets that busy mums need to get their children eating better and actually enjoying healthy foods.

So a huge welcome to the Easy Feed podcast.

Huge welcome back to you.

Sunlight and Mould in Sydney (00:39.022)
The sun is now shining again. We've had a few weeks of rain, so it's been nice to see the sun again, I tell you. I think everything's starting to get quite damp, so in Sydney we run a dehumidifier to take the moisture out of the air because everything starts to get mouldy at this time of the year, originally from Adelaide, South Australia. And we don't have mould issues in Adelaide. In fact, it doesn't really exist in your clothes and, you know, on a hat or...

You know, it might be in the bathroom if you don't clean it properly, but it doesn't really happen just in your wardrobe, whereas here in Sydney, it's very damp, but you know, it, I guess comes with that more tropical climate and we get more humidity, but we get warmer weather too. So I guess you can't be choosy if you get beautiful weather. So anyway, that was a long way of talking about it becoming sunnier again, but it's just nice to have some sun.

I think everyone's mood is lifted when the sun comes out. So yeah, I think there's a proper name for that. When you're affected by the sun and your mood is lifted by the sun, then I think I'm probably one of those people. But to my daughter, she loves the rain and loves the cold. And I guess that's a good opportunity to get your ugly dad and snuggle up. But I don't mind seeing a nice sunny blue sky. So anyway.

what we're going to be talking about today, which is five reasons why you might be feeling stuck with feeding your children despite trying everything or trying really hard to get them to eat differently, but just not getting any headway, not getting anywhere. So I just want to talk about five underlying causes that might be contributing to this

feeding cycle of despair, feeding frustration, feeding overwhelm. And so let's dive in. So first up, we have unrealistic expectations. And I talked about this last week actually in Mamma Mi time about the importance of us lowering our expectation sometimes on ourselves, on how tidy the house needs to be.

Parental Expectations and Children's Eating (02:56.782)
And also in relation to feeding our kids, I think we need to be really mindful of our expectation of how much they're eating, of the variety of foods that they eat, because especially when we're starting out, when we've got little toddlers, I think maybe in our minds, we have this picture of how our children should be eating and our level of expectation often doesn't match up with

where they're at in terms of their intake and that discrepancy, that difference between where our expectation is and where their ability is at and what the variety of foods that they're eating and where they are at is very different. And that difference causes a lot of anxiety, a lot of stress, a lot of worry about whether our child is eating enough, about whether they're going to be deficient or not. It then leads us to compare other

families, other children, what the other children are eating, what other mums are feeding their kids, how other mums are spending hours in the kitchen preparing food. You know, we try and get recipes from other parents because, you know, their children are potentially eating better than our children. So this expectation can really set us up for failure. You know, that precious of perfection.

It's rife these days with social media. Social media just makes it a million times worse because we see all these Instagram dinners and lunch boxes and reels of people, you know, just doing so well, killing it in life and feeding their kids all this healthy food. Then you got the no sugar, you know, no sugar this and no sugar that. And I'm like...

What child eats no sugar, right? I think all of these, this messaging that happens on social media really sets us up to feel inferior. And it sets us up to feel like we're failing our child when our child does have sugar in the lunchbox or when our child comes home and all they want is chips and chocolate ice cream, which is my son right now. Can I say? I'm like, buddy, we need to eat something a little healthier. We need to eat, you know, why don't we have some toast or some...

Parenting Challenges and Solutions (05:15.278)
bowl of cereal or why don't you just have some, you know, cheese and crackers and some choc-, and when I offer him toast or cereal, he's like, I don't want breakfast options. And I'm like, yeah, but chocolate and chips and chocolate ice cream is not a healthy afternoon tea every day, right? It's not a healthy afternoon tea any day of the week. But I don't know, he just, he seemed to get into this habit of wanting these foods every afternoon. And I'm like, no.

We got to get out of this habit. So a bit of sugar's fine, but it can go too far, right? So it's, it's just about trying to lower your expectation. Obviously still have some standards, like no, not having chocolate ice cream every afternoon, but try not to judge yourself about how your child eats. And I think often too often we draw that direct correlation between how our child eats.

And our ability as a parent, so our child eats no vegetables, we're failing them as a parent, or our child didn't start solids the right way, we failed them as a parent. So we often do draw that direct comparison or, you know, my child has too much screen time, I'm a bad parent. So often we judge ourselves and we are so hard on ourselves for various behaviours or, you know,

choices that we make as parents. But I think you also need to cut yourself some slack and go, you know what, this is damn hard. And you know, we've never, we've never done this before. And so try not to feel that you have to do it all and have the healthiest eater in the world because chances are they're not going to be the healthiest eater in the world because what child is that healthy that eats that textbook, you know?

five serves of veggies and two serves of fruit and grainy this and whole grain that, you know, that's not necessarily real life. So I think the first thing that you can do to feel less stuck and frustrated about feeding your child is to lower your expectation and, you know, try to just ignore any subconscious pressure for perfection because it's so out there. It's there.

Social Media and Body Image Impact on Parenting (07:35.374)
Whenever you pick up your phone and look at social media, it's there. And it's like that, it's right in the, you know, body image world. You know, you've got all these filters that people put on themselves to make themselves look better. So again, when you see someone on social media, wow, look at their skin or look how slim they are or look at how pretty they are or whatever. And without realising it, we are probably comparing ourselves and it usually just brings us down. So it's...

Something just to be mindful of that, that pressure for the perfect eater and unrealistic expectations compared to where your child's actually at, that can make you feel really stuck. Okay, let's move on to the second one. The developmental stage of your child can really impact how challenging feeding is. And if you've got a child aged between two and seven or eight, you're in the

thick of fussy eating. I think fussy eating really peaks at sort of three to four years of age, but you know, can hit anywhere from one to 12 really. And usually by the age of school age, they are already fussy if they're going to be fussy. But children can naturally go through these phases where they're more selective about what they eat. And often it's after introducing solids. So babies will eat really well and they'll be eating all the veggies and

You know, you're thinking, yeah, I've nailed it. I've got this, my child's a great eater. And then by the age of two, the parents are starting to like pull their hair out because all of a sudden their baby that's now a toddler is dropping foods by the day. And that's just a normal part of development, but it can absolutely second guess your ability as a mum and...

your whole approach to feeding, because you're like, well, hang on, it was working before, why isn't it working now? And you can start to feel really stuck and you're like, now what do I do? And look, I've got you covered. I've got a whole program for this and a membership for this. But that's another time when you may go, wow, I feel really stuck and unsure about what to do. And it's really just part of their developmental progress. It's them developing autonomy. It's learning that they can say no.

Understanding and Managing Child Frustration (09:55.246)
They enter into these power struggles around food and my gosh, it can wear you down. So it's, it's at this time that you need to have a really clear plan, laser focus on why your child is fussy. And then you can create a plan about how to manage this fussiness because otherwise you just end up going round and round in circles and you are in this feeding circle of despair and you find it hard to get out of. Number two is that.

stage, that growth and development stage where they are developing that autonomy and you can just feel super stuck despite throwing everything at them. You might be cutting carrots into beautiful little stars. You might be getting them to help you in the kitchen. It's not helping. You know, maybe they've got some sensory issues and look, I go through actually all of this in my free training. I go through reasons why your child may be fussy so that you can better understand why they're fussy and then

create an appropriate fix because unless you're creating a fix, a plan that matches to why your child is fussy, you're not going to get anywhere, right? It's just like trying to, you know, change a battery in a car. If that's not the right, if you've got a flat tire, right? The battery is not going to do a thing if you've got a flat tire and you can't, car won't move because of the tire. So you've got to have the right fix for the right cause. And that's why it's really important. That's why I really go.

Go on a lot about this and, and that's why I've got a whole Fussy Eater training on this exact topic. Okay. So you can find out more about that free Fussy Eater training by heading to my website. We'll also put the link in the show notes today at nourishwithcarina .com and you'll find the link there. So if you haven't seen it yet, the Fussy Eater training, then absolutely go check it out because it's, it's really, well, I think it's great. It will give you lots of dips.

and help you better understand why your child might be fussy. Okay. So the next reason why you might be feeling stuck with feeding your child or your kids, despite trying everything is you have an inconsistent feeding routine. So kids love routine. They thrive on routine and structure. I mean, we all do, to be honest. If we can set ourselves up for the week, if we have a clear plan, we know what we're doing when it, it's

Consistency in Family Meal Planning and Routines (12:18.83)
Just makes everything so much more streamlined. You know, look at menu planning as well. You know, when you're cooking for dinner, it just makes it so much easier. Do I do it all the time? No. But should I? Yes. But having a routine, kids really thrive on that routine. And so if your meal times are inconsistent, it could really affect your child's hunger, their willingness to eat, and how much they eat. If meal and snack times are too close together, they might be too full. They might want to eat.

dinner if they've had a massive afternoon tea only 45 minutes prior. Or if their dinner's way too late and they're little, maybe they're too tired. So you really want to work out a plan that works and timings that work for the family and then try to stick to them as much as possible. And this is both for, you know, both parents and grandparents, whoever's looking after the child, try as much as possible to stick to consistent times. Now look,

I'm the first person to say that life is inconsistent and North Road curveballs at you and you know, parents work and it can be sometimes really challenging to have that consistency. But as much as possible, I encourage you to try to have some consistency around the timings of meals and snacks and continue this on in the weekend as well so that your child has some consistency around that.

It's also important to have consistency around rules and the feeding environment, because if one parent says, no, you've got to sit at the table, no screens. And then the other parent's like, sure, let's go sit in the lounge in front of the telly. Then that's inconsistent rules. And that confuses children. And that can make the feeding situation a lot harder and more challenging because then

When it's the parent that's saying, no, we need to sit at the table, no screens. The child's like, well, hang on, no, but my dad, for example, lets us do it or mum lets us do it. Then the other one doesn't. So I just didn't want to get mum or dad in trouble there. So they both could say in front of the television, but it's really important to have that conversation between parents and come up with a plan that you're both on the same page about. So you're both singing the same song because otherwise children find it unsettling if...

Consistency in Parental Eating and Child Development (14:41.23)
Different parents are saying different things and they'll try and find the loophole and then they will try and eat in front of the television and then that's not good for mindful eating or creating healthy competent eaters. So trying to be consistent, not only with meal times, but also with the rules around eating because that's going to be better for your child. I will also mention in this one that it is helpful if you can meal prep at least a couple of nights a week, because that way you have some routine and structure around the types of foods offered and

Often children like having the same foods that they like. And so if you have three or four meals a week that are consistent, that your child likes, it's easier for you because you know that it's going to get eaten. You know it's healthy. You can meal prep for the week and have those ingredients that you've purchased on the weekend or you've put on the online shopping order. So you've got those ingredients ready to cook those meals. So it just makes for a more streamlined, easier week anyway.

but it's also that consistency that children do like. Okay, moving on to number four. Number four of why you might be feeling stuck with feeding your children despite trying everything, trying super hard. Number four really is about parental anxiety and a lack of confidence to set boundaries with children. And this is something that I think I struggled with.

for a while, especially the lack of confidence to set boundaries. And look, I think I could still do better in some respects, especially with screens with my children, with boundaries around that. But certainly anxiety and the stress associated with how much your child eats and what they're eating is huge with some parents, especially during starting solids. And, you know, in those really early years.

Children actually get anxious when their parents get anxious, but I have seen thousands of anxious parents that are really sitting there. And actually, only yesterday I had a consult. I did an online consult with a mum and she specifically booked the consult when the child was going to be eating because she wanted to show me how the child was eating. And it was actually...

Parental Confidence and Meal Time Management (17:01.902)
amazing how much I could reassure her just by watching her child to say, look, your child is doing fine. They're eating normally and parents just need that reassurance sometimes. And I'm not saying you'll need to book in online consultations with me because I couldn't do that. I wouldn't have the time to do that. And that's where I guess the membership is so good because we can connect, you know, privately in the group chat, we connect on Zoom calls and we...

We talk about it and parents share videos and food diaries and you can share things like that with me. Absolutely fine. I'm happy to help you in that context because we need to have that confidence around feeding. We need to know that our child is doing well. We need to know that we are doing the right thing. And confidence around feeding is massive because if, if parents have the confidence with feeding, then they don't have the anxiety. And too often.

Anxiety from a parent stuffs up the meal time for a child. It ruins it and it actually creates feeding aversions and it creates bussy eating. And it's incredible because it's actually the opposite of what we want to be doing. We actually are so concerned and worried about our child. We want them to be healthy. We want them to be good eaters, but in fact, we're actually doing the opposite. We're creating drama because we are anxious.

And when we are less anxious and calm and we just let the kids go for it and trust that they can do it for themselves. Yes, even a one -year -old can do it for themselves. If we are less anxious and we just let them go for it, then they're going to be much better eaters and then everyone's going to be happier. And then we worry less that they're getting enough nutrition because they're doing it on their own and they are eating well because we haven't caused them to feel stressed or worried or

You know, being on top of them trying to shove food in their mouth or wiping their mouth every after every wipe. It's those anxious parents that are hovering over the child with a spoon ready to shove it in their mouth or, you know, putting on television so that the child's distracted and you're basically shoving food in on the side because you're so worried that they're not getting enough nutrition. It's those anxious parents that are creating an anxious environment at meal time and that's

Parental Anxiety and Child Development (19:23.47)
only going to make it worse and make mealtimes less happy for the child. The child's going to be less engaged. They're not going to want to come into the high chair. They're not going to want to be trying food because they feel pressured. There's, you know, perhaps a bit of force feeding going on. I've certainly seen that in my 21 years. So it's really important that we check in with our own level of parental anxiety and how we are behaving.

when we're feeding our child. And I'm not just talking about a child in a high chair. I'm talking about how we are when we're sitting down with our children, eating at the dinner table, your child might be eight. But if you're super anxious and you just keep going on and on and on about them taking a bite of damn broccoli, that's not going to get them liking broccoli. In fact, it's going to get them disliking broccoli for the rest of their life. So I've had a

55 year old lady comment on social media, I did a post and she, she really resonated with her. And she said to me, I was forced to eat green beans, you know, in my younger years, almost every day. And she said, I'm so scarred by that experience to this day, I still can't eat green beans. And she's 55. So how we behave as parents with our children can really make or break our children's development.

can really make or break a meal time and it will really influence them significantly over the months and years. It will really influence their ability to develop a like and trust in food and it will really influence how they grow up liking food. We want our children to grow up having a healthy relationship with food, trusting their signs of hunger and fullness.

expanding their intake to be, you know, a variety of food groups. And the way we do that is to take the pressure off and just throw a whole lot of healthy food at them and eat this healthy food in front of them. The way we stuff it up is by sitting with them, going on and on about trying a vegetable, pressuring them, talking about it too much, or not offering a variety of foods or not sitting with your child and eating. Because

Parental Anxiety and Effective Mealtime Management (21:38.606)
There are plenty of ways that we can set our child up for success. And this is my whole reason I've got my program and my membership. And there are plenty of ways that we can stuff it up for our child. And parental anxiety is one way that we can stuff it up for our child. And that is why you might still be feeling stuck feeding your child, despite trying hard, because the harder you try, the worse you make it. And you just kind of end up in this really stressed, anxious, frustrating meal time.

where no one's winning. You're feeling frustrated, you're feeling worried, they're feeling stressed, they're not going to, there's no way they're going to try a bit of broccoli. They're feeling that pressure to do so. And it can end in tears and frustration and arguments between the parents too, because you've got different approaches to feeding. So it's really, really important to check in with where you're at in terms of your parental anxiety.

how you're talking about food. And it's so, so important, especially when starting solids, that you're not pressuring your baby to try food. They only want one mouthful, fine. If they want 31 mouthfuls, fine. That's what we call, we've got to practice responsive feeding where you're really in tune with how they are feeling of their signs of hunger and fullness. We need to teach our children that they can listen to their body signs of hunger and fullness.

We don't want to override their own natural cues. We want them to learn to listen to their bodies and they do a great job of it. We tend to lose the ability along the way, but if we're pressuring them to eat or we're shoving food into their mouth, then we are teaching them to not listen to those cues. So that's a really important thing to be mindful of. When you're anxious as a parent and you are creating an anxious meal time for your child,

their cortisol levels going up, they're going into fight or flight mode. And when they're in that state, they're not relaxed, they're not calm. They can't consider trying new foods. They can't enjoy the meal time. So it's really important just to check in on the mood, the vibe and how you are behaving at meal times. Because as I said, it will absolutely make or break a meal time and long -term it will make or break how your child

Building a Relationship with Healthy Foods (23:51.47)
develops a relationship with food and healthy food and a wide variety of healthy foods. Okay. Moving on to number five. So the fifth reason why you might be feeling stuck feeding your kids despite trying everything or despite trying really, really hard is a lack of involvement or I guess presence around meals with your child. Now I mentioned a little in the last one that number four, but

It's so important that we are around our children with food. It's so important that they see us eating all foods, the good foods and the treat foods. So we don't want to be closet eating chocolate away from them because we want them to see us enjoying chocolate in moderation, or it might be chips in moderation. So we're teaching them how these treat foods or these sometimes foods can fit into a healthy, balanced lifestyle. We want them to see us eating

Mainly the good food, the good stuff. We want at least one adult to be eating with the child because subconsciously when they see their role models eating and enjoying food, it absolutely subconsciously plants seeds that will grow over the weeks and the months and the years. And it will mean that your child will eventually learn to like that food or have a much higher chance of learning to like that food because they see their role models eating them. They see the person that they love and trust.

enjoying that food and that absolutely builds familiarity and trust in food for that child. Getting children involved in food can also absolutely help to build that familiarity and trust. And this could be simply taking your child shopping with you and getting them to pick out fruits and vegetables. It could be helping you in the kitchen, you know, baking something or cutting herbs into a pasta sauce, or it could be simply growing a cherry tomato.

bush shrub out the back or in a pot plan and them going and picking some cherry tomatoes for you or picking some parsley for you. They may not eat parsley for another year, but if they're picking it, they're being involved and they know what it is. Again, it's just another touch point. It helps build familiarity and trust. So getting kids involved in food in multiple ways, in multiple sort of locations, again, it builds that familiarity and trust and leads to them liking that food over time.

Child's Food Involvement and Its Impact on Health (26:13.262)
It's kids that have absolutely no involvement in food. They sit down to eat on their own. They get a plate of food put in front of them that is probably likely a food that the parent or the carer will know that they will eat. It's those kids that are less likely to develop that familiarity, that know, like and trust factor because A, they're not eating with anyone. They're not seeing anyone eat anything. They're not being role modeled to.

They've got no opportunity to see other people enjoying food and build that familiarity and trust. And then they're just getting the food that they always eat. So they're not getting variety, which is another factor. And they're not involved in any way in the food preparation, the food purchase, maybe even serving up food. You know, if you've got food in the middle of the table, serving up food can also be a really good way to help children, you know, become more engaged and empowered with food. But if that child that's

hasn't been involved in preparation food at all, is sitting on their own, is eating the food that they're always given because it's the food that the parents know or the carers know that they'll eat. It's that sort of environment that is going to keep you stuck because there's just no opportunity there for the child to expand and build that familiarity and trust in that food.

And then that can make you as a parent feel stuck because you're just going around in circles. You want your child to eat healthier, but the environment's not right. The behaviors aren't right. The exposure's not there. So we just need to consider setting up a much more effective feeding environment for your child. And of course I can help you with that. Just head to the website and join up my membership and we'll get going today because

If you do that, then your child will absolutely start eating better and they'll be healthier. And then we're going to be setting them up for life. Right. But even if you don't head to my website and you don't join my membership today, I'm sure that this podcast has still given you plenty of tips to get going with and things to consider if you are feeling stuck, because absolutely there's plenty of ways that we can make changes to

Case Management and Parenting (28:32.046)
move you from a place of feeling really frustrated and stuck and chaotic and meal times to much calmer and more confident. So that's my role is to get you from that chaos to calm. So please reach out to me. I'd love to hear from you. If you want to ask me a question about anything to do with beating kids or about the membership, connect with me on Instagram, flick me an email from my website. You can connect with me going to the contact us page. So yeah.

Reach out, I'd love to hear from you and please leave me a review. I really want to try and get this podcast out to as many moms as possible. So once you finish listening to this, please hit the star rating. It will take you 30 seconds. I'd really, really appreciate it. So I'll chat to you next week. Bye for now.