Episode 31: Mama Me Time, Looking After Mums

Episode 31: Mama Me Time, Looking After Mums

Mothers play an incredible role in a child’s life. As a mum we fulfill SO many roles every single day, and it’s important to stop and focus on how we can be our best selves.

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Links
https://nourishwithkarina.com/feedingbabies
https://nourishwithkarina.com/3-week-feeding-kids-reset

Highlights:

Introduction (00:00.00)
Mother's Day Celebration (00:31.982)
Motherhood: Roles and Responsibilities (02:58.478)
Parenting Challenges and Positive Roles (05:21.806)
Motherhood: Understanding and Overcoming
Depleted Mother Syndrome (07:40.686)
Motherhood: A Personal Journey (10:08.366)
Self-Compassion and Parenting: A Parenting Perspective (12:30.478)
Motherhood and Expectations (14:56.206)
Motherhood and Personal Interests (17:20.91)
Motherhood and Support (19:40.686)
Mother's Day Reflection: Self-Compassion and Family Roles (22:01.518)

Show notes

READ TRANSCRIPT

Show Notes

Mothers play an incredible role in a child’s life. As a mum we fulfill SO many roles every single day, and it’s important to stop and focus on how we can be our best selves.

In this episode, we'll discuss:

1. The Phenomenal Role of Mothers: Taking a moment to appreciate the tireless efforts and countless roles that mothers fulfill daily.

2. Depleted Mother Syndrome: Exploring the real challenges of mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion that many mothers face.

3. Practicing Self-Compassion: Learning to be kinder to ourselves and embracing imperfection in the journey of motherhood.

4. Setting Realistic Expectations: Letting go of perfectionism and finding joy in celebrating small wins, both as mothers and individuals.

5. Filling Up Your Cup: Exploring various strategies to prioritize self-care, whether it's through hobbies, meditation, or building a support network.

Taking care of yourself is really important, so that you are your best ‘you’ to take care of your family. I hope this episode helps! Let me know - please leave me a review!

Learn more about my membership program, head over to: https://nourishwithkarina.com/membership

Karina (00:00.398)
You're listening to the Easy Feed Podcast, episode number 31, Mama Me Time, Looking After Mums. Hi there, I'm Karina Savage and with over 20 years experience feeding children, including my own, I've learnt all the secrets that busy mums need to get their children eating better and actually enjoying healthy foods. So a huge welcome to the Easy Feed Podcast.

Mother's Day Celebration (00:31.982)
Well, a huge welcome back to you. It's so good to have you. I'm recording this special episode in preparation for in Australia. We have Mother's Day on Sunday. Now, by the time this podcast is released, it will be a couple of days after Mother's Day in Australia. And I think perhaps in the UK, Mother's Day has already come and gone. I can't remember what days Mother's Day is celebrated in various parts of the world.

But if you're listening to this podcast and Mother's Day has passed recently, well, happy Mother's Day. I hope you had a beautiful day. So this morning I was lucky enough to, I mean, you know, to start off with your grumble and you think, I've got to cancel this and not work and whatnot. But then I think, no, I'm actually lucky enough to be going to my children's school and spending some time with them for the Mother's Day breakfast. So we had pastries and

ice chocolates and coffees and whatnot. And then there was open classrooms where we got to share with our children what they've been doing in class. And then there was a special Mother's Day Mass. And so it was a good couple of hours, but it was really special because I got the little notes from the kids that they've written to me. And my son's, I swear, was prompted by the teacher, but he tells me that he actually wrote the card himself, which made it even more special because it was actually a pretty impressive card, the things that was in there.

So that was really, really, really special. So Mother's Day is a special time of year. I think it's a time when we can actually stop and acknowledge the phenomenal role that mothers play. Now look, I don't want Mother's Day to be the only day that we stop and acknowledge the amazing, phenomenal role that you play. I want this to be acknowledged every single day. And look, I'm not.

discounting the phenomenal role that fathers and grandparents and siblings play in, you know, children's lives. But today is all about mums. I think there's too little time spent celebrating the amazing role of the mother and what we as mums do every single day. Now look, mums fill all different roles. We have mums that work full time. We have mums

Motherhood: Roles and Responsibilities (02:58.478)
that a stay at home mum's full time and both mums feel amazing roles and responsibilities there. So whatever role as a mum you play, whether it's a full time working mum and your child's in either childcare or at school and then after school care, there's absolutely no judgment. It's whatever works for your family and whatever needs to be. But whatever role you are playing, whether it's full time mum or full time worker,

As a mum, you are still filling a phenomenal role for your child daily. I'm sure even if you are working full time, you're still a nurse, you're still a counsellor, you're probably still a chef cooking meals, you're probably still an Uber driver, a shoulder to cry on, mediator when the children are arguing, often the soft touch, the comforter, the cleaner, the ironer, the gardener, the solar if a button comes off.

The admin lady, goodness knows there's endless amounts of admin. The social organizer, my gosh, our children these days, the social lives they have and the expectations around playdates. my goodness. The WhatsApp chats. Far out. The, the role of the mother, I feel is as big nowadays as it's ever been. And when you're working full time or whether you're a full time mom, regardless, you still fear.

filling all of these roles or many of these roles. So kudos to you and it's to be celebrated, is 100 % to be celebrated every single day of the year, not just Mother's Day. So yeah, I'm on a bit of a rant here, aren't I? But you know, being a mother is, it can be tireless and relentless and exhausting. And sometimes I feel like we don't stop and go, wow, how well are we doing?

We're always just too hard on ourselves. We're always saying what we could be doing better or what we should have done to, you know, prevent that fight from happening or, you know, beating ourselves up over something that we forgot or we missed payments for the disco so your child didn't have a ticket or like you forgot the lunch order or, you know, there's always something that we've stuffed up that we beat ourselves up over. But it's, and instead of acknowledging the 101 things that you've done right that day.

Parenting Challenges and Positive Roles (05:21.806)
we focus on the thing that we've done wrong because our child's upset about that. So, and not to mention the sleepless nights that you still may be experiencing if you've got, you know, siblings that are newborns, you've got a newborn baby, or you've got children that still won't stay in their bed. You know, if they're anything like my daughter, I think she started sleeping in her bed all the way through probably when she got to 10. So that was many years of her coming into our bed. And you know,

Sleepless nights can make everything harder. So I just want to stop. I want this podcast to be acknowledging the phenomenal role that you are playing every single day. Even if you don't feel like you are doing a great job, please let me tell you you are. Not to mention being a chef most nights, I think I mentioned that, but you know, the stress that comes with

planning and cooking dinner and then you've got kids that won't even eat what you put on the plate. You're doing a phenomenal job just to show up for your child to listen, to read a story to them, to get food on the table no matter what it is. Just to be there for your child, you are doing an amazing job because it's damn hard work getting all of that done every day is absolutely damn hard work. So if you can get even a portion of that done and your child is fed, is warm,

is in bed and feels loved, then you've done your job. So please always focus on the positive things that you're doing for them. Please try not to focus on what you're lacking or what you haven't done well because I'm pretty sure, I'm pretty positive that there's more things that you've done well and succeeded in every day around your children than

things that you haven't done well. I was doing a bit of research the other day and I came across mum burnout syndrome or depleted mother syndrome it was and basically the definition was the feeling of mental, emotional and physical exhaustion, depersonalization and lack of fulfillment caused by intense childcare demands. Burnout is the result of too much stress and the lack of resources for coping with it.

Motherhood: Understanding and Overcoming Depleted Mother Syndrome (07:40.686)
And I'm sure there are millions of mums out there that have felt depleted mother syndrome. And look, we probably all go through peaks and drops, right? In terms of how, how many of us are sitting in depleted mother syndrome at any given time. But I just think we need to acknowledge that this is a real thing. And then you bring in hormones. my goodness. You just think, wow, you know, I understand why we break down and cry sometimes.

Our hubbies, yes, some of them are empathetic, but some of them don't have an empathy gene in their body. And so it's tough sometimes. And then you've got grumpy, cranky, tired kids and they don't listen to you that spend too much time on screens. And wow, you can understand why sometimes we feel like we're not doing well. But I just want you to know that you are doing well. I think it's really important that as mums, we recognize our worth and we...

try to have confidence that as a mum we are doing the best we can and all kids want is your time and to be loved and if you're giving them time and love then that's really at the end of the day the most important thing. So if you're ever doubting yourself about your capability I want you to just press pause and focus on the fact that you are enough, you are doing an incredible job of bringing up your children.

and being a mom and you're doing the best you can. So yeah, things that you've stuffed up, big deal. You know, you can always recover from those most of the time. So I think it's really important to try to drop any judgment or comparison. my gosh, comparison is a killer. It's everywhere. I'm sure I still compare myself to other people daily. You don't even realize you're doing it right? And it's so... Destruct...

It really is destructive. Maybe I don't do a daily, but I'm sure I still do it. I'm really aware of not comparing myself because when you compare yourself to others, you're generally doing it because you feel inferior in some way, shape or form. Whether they, you know, look better than you, whether they're dressed better than you, whether they look happier than you, whether they seem like a better mum than you, whether they're a better cook than you.

Motherhood: A Personal Journey (10:08.366)
Whether they have a more successful job than you, whether they're fitter than you. there's a million ways that way. Whether their child eats better. You know, I don't know if I mentioned that, that's a big one, especially in mothers' groups. So that comparison can really bring you down. And I'm sure we do it without even realising we're so used to doing it subconsciously. We just do it so easily.

And it's not good for us. It's not good for our confidence. So I think we need to stop comparing and we need to drop judgment of ourselves and basically realize that we are doing the best we can. We are great moms. Yes, we can always do better, but be grateful for what you've got and who you are because I tell you, there's plenty of females that wish they had that chance to be a mother. And I remember when we were trying to have kids, it took us a while.

And it was absolutely devastating to not be a mother when you desperately wanted to be a mother and you saw all your friends becoming mothers and you wanted nothing more than to share with your husband, you know, a baby, but it just wasn't happening. And, and then I think when we become moms, sometimes we then feel so exhausted and deprived and we feel like we lose ourselves. But then I think we also need to remember that.

At the end of the day, most of us would probably acknowledge that, well, I feel this way. It's the best thing that we ever did, right? Like it's what my husband and I did is I absolutely love being a mom and I'm so grateful for being a mom. And I think that if we can come back to that too, sometimes when we're in that mother -depleted syndrome, we remind ourselves that we are actually so blessed to have children and we are so lucky to be moms.

That can also help to ground us a little and just remember that we're doing the best we can. So drop the comparison, drop the judgment and try to practice gratitude. Even if they're screaming at you and they're angry at you and you're tired and you've got take away for the fourth night in a row because everyone's busy and no one's got food to the house. It doesn't matter. At the end of the day, if you've given them your love and your time, you can recover from all the other stuff.

Self-Compassion and Parenting: A Parenting Perspective (12:30.478)
So I think it's about trying to do the best you can, but not be too hard on yourself. So we need to practice self -compassion more because there's too many times when we doubt ourselves or we feel insecure. And that's why I just think it's really important to focus on self -compassion, loving yourself and cutting yourself some slack big time. Let go of expectation and perfection. Allow yourself to be perfectly.

Imperfect. Because as I said, your kids don't need a perfect mum. They just need you to be yourself. And you're a great role model. If they see you stuff up and then recover because it's how you recover from faltering, from slipping up, from doing something you probably shouldn't have done or said, that's teaching and learning in itself. And that makes you human. So their lessons, life lessons for the kids as well, when they see you make mistakes.

But then how you recover from that is really crucial. And when they see that process of you recovering well, they learn from that and then they'll have that in their toolkit for life. I think it's really important to set realistic expectations too. I remember when my children were probably three and five and you know, life was busy. I was working part time and I had, you know, two little ones only in childcare and I think preschool at that time.

point or kindy, depending on what state you're in. And I was trying to work and I think I had too high expectations of trying to keep the house tidy when people came over because I don't know, I just feel like I was judged, maybe compare. All of that stuff, remember, is probably not good, but I think I was trying to do too much and I probably needed to lower my expectation of things to cut myself some s***.

lack so that perhaps I had more time to colour in or cut with my kids. Look, don't get me wrong, I tried to devote as much time as possible to them for that. But I think sometimes if we lower our expectations and just remember that, you know, the time with our kids is really precious when they're little and who cares if your friend comes over and you've got just crap everywhere, pardon the pun, because you spend time with your kids, right? So I think we need to set realistic expectations about

Motherhood and Expectations (14:56.206)
Things like dinner too. Don't expect to cook healthy dinner every night. You're not a bad mum if you don't. Have cheat nights, have takeaway nights. That's okay. Your kids are still getting fed. So I think having realistic expectations and lowering our expectations. And I also talk a lot about lowering our expectations with bussy eaters as well. If we're lowering our expectations and celebrating the small wins, everyone's better off. And I think this is really important with motherhood as well.

because then we're less harsh on ourselves, then we're hopefully celebrating the smaller wins and everybody's happier. So make small goals, set small achievable goals that mean that you get them, you get them done and you feel good about it. So if you can achieve those goals and go, yeah, that was a real win for me. And no matter how small it was, it's still something to be celebrated. And so I think it's really important that we have.

very small achievable goals, maybe one a week or one a month. It doesn't matter, but just have one small little goal for yourself. It's really important, I think, to have something for yourself. Not for the family, not for hubby, not for the dog or cat, but just something for yourself. Because again, it just comes back to filling up your cup, because that's so important. It's so important to have something that's going to fill up your cup.

Because if you don't, that's when I think you run the risk of heading down that mother depleted syndrome. And what fills up your cup will be very different to what fills up someone else's cup. Some people's cup gets filled up by being on their own, going for a walk in nature, burning a candle, going shopping, getting a massage, cooking. But what fills up your cup will be different to what fills up someone else's cup.

But it's really important to, I think, learn what fills up your cup. It's really important to understand what fills up your cup so that you can fill up your cup to keep yourself going. Because if your cup's filled up, then everything keeps working and the wheel keeps turning. But if your cup's not filled up, then things start to fall apart and everything gets a bit, what's the word? But if your cup's not filled up, then everything starts to get a bit clunky and everything starts to fall apart.

Motherhood and Personal Interests (17:20.91)
because a tired, cranky mum will tend to have less resilience, less tolerance, and everything starts to fall apart. It's a ripple effect, right? And how you are as a mum will then dramatically impact the mood and the energy of the house. And so if you're in a really positive place and a positive energy, that's great for the family. But if you're not, then that can quickly turn south and sour and have a negative impact on the rest of the family.

I think another way that you can try to fill up your cup is to take time for yourself regularly in an interest that you may have. And this could be gardening, it could be, I don't know, chess, it could be walking with a friend, but trying to maintain an interest that's yours.

And this is sort of different to buying yourself flowers, going for a massage, but actually having an interest that is not something that you're doing daily for the family. It's very important as well, because again, it just brings you back to who you are and who you were before kids. So that's really important. It's probably something that I don't do enough of is pursue an interest. In fact, there was a part of a business group and they were talking about, you know, what your passions and your interests are.

And I could tell you what my husband's passions and interests are. And I think I know my own, but I don't think I spent enough time devoting, you know, carving out some time for those interests. And again, I think that's really important. So if you have an interest, as I said, whether it's gardening or sewing or, I don't know, fixing a car or whatever your interest is, perhaps devoting some time to that again, it just brings you back to you.

and gets you out of that, you know, mother role for a minute and distracts you and puts a bit back into your cup. So perhaps something that is of interest to you might be reading. Yeah. I think it's just good to have a think about that because again, it just helps to fill up your cup. Meditation is another great one. So spending time in silence can be phenomenal and trying to quieten the mind is a real challenge, but can be

Motherhood and Support (19:40.686)
so beautiful and so refreshing and so good for you on so many fronts. So if you haven't done it, then I would encourage you to give it a go. Perhaps in a guided meditation as part of yoga class would be a great place to start, but that inner stillness is phenomenal. And so I'd encourage you to try it if you haven't yet. Another thing that you can do for yourself is to surround yourself with support.

So building a strong support network is crucial for mums. And this is the whole reason that mothers groups were created, right? And some of us are lucky enough to have been, you know, thrown together into a wonderful mix of mums that have stayed together. Look, I'm celebrating my 12th year of friendship in my mother's group from when my daughter was born. So I'm blessed to have a wonderful group of mothers in that mother's group.

But some mothers haven't been so lucky or if they've moved around and don't have those connections anymore, it's really important to surround yourself with some friends that have kids that can support you and you can, you know, talk about things and you've got that relate -ability and those shared interests and shared struggles and empathy. Because I think that's really important and that's where that saying comes from. It takes a village, right?

So it was really, really important to have those social connections, that social support structure and have other mums that can do life with you and be there for each other. They can also help you to celebrate your successes because no matter how small they may seem, a win is a win and they should be shared and celebrated. And again, that just helps you to build that positive momentum. Heat that cup full.

make you feel like you're doing really well as a mum and you know that you are enough because you are. So celebrating your successes, no matter how small they are. And hopefully they are small because hopefully you have created small achievable goals that you have been successful in. And so you're celebrating those. Okay, I'll wrap it up soon, but I just wanted to dedicate this podcast to mums because I think we need to be

Mother's Day Reflection: Self-Compassion and Family Roles (22:01.518)
more compassionate with ourselves. I think we need to have less comparison and judgment. And I think we need to acknowledge actually how much we do every single day for our family. And as I said, I know that there's some husbands that feel these roles because the women are working and that's kudos to the husbands as well. But I would say in this day and age, there's still the majority of the mums lifting the load with the family environment.

And that's where I just wanted to dedicate this time to acknowledge that and remind you to recognize your worth, practice self -compassion, take some time out, do what you need to do to fill up your cup. Because if your cup's filled up, then everything is going to work better like a well -oiled machine and the family is going to be happier. And remember your kids just want your time and your love. You are enough, no matter what else has gone down that day.

As long as you're there and you love them, that is the most important thing. And I'm sure you're feeding them as well. Sorry. They're bed and watered something. They really just want your time and love. So I just want you to remember that and be kind to yourself. And I hope you had a beautiful Mother's Day and I hope you enjoyed this podcast and I can't wait to chat to you again soon. If you liked this podcast, please leave me a review so we can get it out to more mums. Bye for now.